iKilled iCarly
by redvelvetjade
Summary: What Happens When Bullying Goes To Far For The Cam Fanfic Challenge By super67759.. rated T for Violence Graphic Detail and Subject Matter Femslash.
1. Chapter 1 Tease

**Hero**

**Tease**

**Spencer's p o v**

**A/N Third in the Cam series challenge issued by **super67759 **this is a stand alone one and has no connection to my previous two cam challenge stories but will be a multi chapter but hopefully short chapters.**

_No one sits with him, he doesn't fit in,  
>But we feel like we do when we make fun of him,<br>'Cause you want to belong, do you go along?  
>'Cause his pain is the price paid for you to belong<br>It's not like you hate him or want him to die,  
>But maybe he goes home and thinks suicide,<br>Or he comes back to school with a gun at his side,  
>Any kindness from you might have saved his life... <em>

Life has away of throwing you to the dirt just when you think you have it all under control and that everything is going your way heck you almost think it's perfect then it takes it's own course and comes back and smacks you right in the face.

I blamed myself really I mean I was in charge right? I was the grownup why didn't I see it? I thought it was just normal The Teasing and the Taunting it was just how they were how all kids were especially teenagers. I didn't know I just didn't see it coming none of us did ..I mean we couldn't could we?

COULD WE?

Damn it Why! Why! Why Sam! Why Carly! Why Freddie! they were normal typical teenagers they had their whole lives ahead of them. Why them? How did we end up here?

Should I have seen something in their eyes? When did it happen? I just saw them 2 hours before this...before this tragedy...

It was a typical day Carly was freaking over her science test which she was sure she was going to fail...Sam was stuffing her mouth full of Canadian bacon and pancakes faster then I could cook them. In between bites she was reassuring Carly she was going to Ace her test like the BFF she was .The two of them were amazing they could make each others day or break it if Sam was mad at her or she was made at Sam watch out cause you were bound to be in for a bad day. It was rare I mean they were always joined at the hip ever since they met at 8 years old. They just knew each other so well it was scary they could complete each others sentences read each others minds, they shared secrets and codes no one else knew. I watched them now so tender with each other as Carly wiped Sam 's mouth where syrup was hanging out making her blush as she fixed Carly's coffee which she kept my secret that I gave her decaf ... there was a sweetness to them ..while Carly brought out the soft sweet side to Sam Freddie well..

_Fredweenie I swear you touch that bacon I will deep fry_

_Your Weenie in a mod of boiling hot oil!_

_Sam!_

Carly hit her laughing as Freddie grunted ..

_Rude aggressive vulgar pig_

_Pig! Pig did you just call me a .._

_Your dead Frederella_

_I'm not gay! Don't call me that!_

_I'll call you whatever I want Frederella!_

_Afraid of me Prissy Boy You should be!_

_Sam! _

Carly pulled her down as Freddie glared going to the couch arms crossed.

_Yea Go on Pout now Fredwimp_

It was the normal routine freak out, food , nice words for Carly Taunting Words that were meant to test Freddie to see how much he could take she was just taunting him..he was use to it right he had no problem to Tease her back.

They Left in a huff..of grunts slaps, squeals, groans and pleads of NO Spencer! Don't make me go to School! It Will kill me! From Sam of course I did my usual display of sympathy and concern with funny antics as I shoved them out the door...I laughed as I ruffled Carly and Sam's hair which made them squeal shooing me away.

I look up at the sky God if only I had known.. that this day would be anything but ordinary..I'm not looking to be a Hero or anything I just want what I had before ..I want my little sisters safe in bed..I want Freddie next door...I want what I can't ever get back now..I want the feeling of peace and safety.

I want Normal..What is Normal? People say you have to be normal to function I always prided myself in being abnormal being quakier, funny ...I wanted Carly who had already had too much changes to much pain in her short life to not have to be under this enormous amounts of pressure to be perfect. I wanted her to know that she could be young and carefree that she could laugh and jump around and not feel guilty. I wanted her to have a childhood, so I made sure I was always joking with her and her friends I went out of my way to be funny and even appear stupid at times..I made sure it was just the right mixture that she knew she could count on me for a laugh and yet still turn to me when she needed me to be serious. It had worked for us everyone else saw us as different , insane strange not Normal..it became a badge of honor for me..what others found disturbing, abnormal we found Normal...Now it was shattered...

My world was in broken smashed shards of glass that sparkled with the glare of millions of red and blue sirens...I wanted to close my eyes block them out plug up my ears so I wouldn't have to hear the sounds of crying kids police sirens ,ambulance sirens , firetruck wails which cut through you . Screams of anxious parents..wails and desperate cries of disbelief from heart shattered parents who had already received the devastating news that those kids they had carried and waited nine months for , prayed over, sweated over cheered for at baseball games or girl scout trips hurried to help with school projects kissed bruised and cut skin.. that those precious kids were forever gone to them...I knew their pain was untouchable , unbending, unending.. I knew the fear of awaiting such news praying it wouldn't be you that those Police came for. I swallowed against the sick feeling arising in my throat as I searched for any signs of them..her shiny dark brown which she always took such pride in her bright pink scarf she had thrown a temper tantrum over this morning. I searched For Sam's mouth her loud abrasive tone which could scare a snake off . I searched for him he had grown so much over this last year he now stood taller then most of the kids. I found tons of kids racing outside screaming and crying trying to get to safety. I shoved my way through the sea of mass bodies..but it was like fighting against a ocean wave it was relentless and over bearing it left me breathless..I screamed for them but my cries went on deaf ears amongst the thousand of other cries from friends, family members and classmates all who were screaming and praying for the safe return of loved ones...Media swarmed the area all calling out to each other trying to get the lead story for their channel. Helicopters circled the air kicking up dust making me and many others cough.

Shivering from fear from cold I try to ask anyone for help but no one knows their all too scared. I hear the reporters yelling into their camera's .

_Shots fired at Ridgeway High Police are urging everyone to stay away from this area_

_A city wide call has been issued for all available units to come to Ridgeway immediately !_

_Bomb Squads are on the scene were being told that it's been confirmed that at least six students are declared dead..._

_Shooters are still on the..Wait! Wait! We are being told they are bringing out one of the shooters now..._

Bastard let me at them! I want to strangle him or her for doing this I can't imagine the fear Carly, Sam and Freddie have in their heads right now..I just want to hold them make it be okay..I just want to kiss their foreheads and keep them safe ..I want so many things but most of all I want to look the bastard in the eyes who did this and ask them..

Why?

Just because you couldn't handle having someone Tease you Push you Bully You ..You had to come to school with a loaded gun and start shooting...

I ran past the cops and barricades I saw a officer try to grab me I shoved past him and ran straight to the stretcher where the shooter lay groaning ….

_How Could You..._

I screamed at them then I saw the shooters face...

**A/N Words to Hero By Superchick..**


	2. Chapter 2 Smile

**Hero **

**Smile**

**Wendy's p o v**

_Uh Mrs. Briggs is so boring_

_God why can't she just retire already?_

_If I have to sit here all morning and listen to another one of her stupid _

_Scottish Dances I think I am going to go crazy!_

_Hey Sam..._

_No I swear I didn't do it ..I am innocent really ! _

I smiled looking over to see Sam passed out on her desk it wasn't even officially first period yet and she was already knocked out I looked at Carly as if to say should I? She snickered a bit annoyed that Sam was sleeping already and nodded.

_Sure go ahead if your tired of breathing_

_She was in a wicked mood this morning _

_'Aw come on you mean to tell me _

_One Smile from you and she didn't melt?_

Carly blushed and gave a slight shrug she was always so self conscious of just how beautiful she was but she was. With her gorgeous long thick shiny Dark brown almost black hair her long tanned legs which are very toned from working out. Her slender waist her small but plentiful bust to her clear smooth face. Which housed her Gorgeous honey Brown eyes that always seemed to be able to see right through who ever she was talking to I loved how they held such compassion and empathy they seemed to always be paying attention whenever you were talking to her. I've known Carly since we were 12 and she's been a close friend ever since high school. What I didn't say to her though was that lately I started having feelings that were more then friendship .. I never wanted to risk losing her as a friend even though I was popular now and had tons of friends I still considered her one of my closest. How do I know she would never return my feelings? Simple...

Carly Shay was head over heals and madly in love with Sam Puckett ..

I know for a fact cause two months ago I walked in on them making love in Carly's bed , Sam had thrown away her homework after Mrs. Briggs gave her a month of dentition's for incomplete assignments. She was oblivious pissed off Carly had to calm her down so she wouldn't attack the teacher so when Carly had her back turned she threw the sheets out. I knew Carly would want them so I had grabbed them and headed o her place after school. I was all set to tell her that I needed to talk that I thought I might be a Lesbian and I was scared I didn't want to be rejected made fun of . I just wanted to be normal I knew Carly wouldn't judge me I knew she would listen and try to help me.

_Miss. Puckett! _

Mrs. Briggs sharp shrill voice cut into my trip down memory lane as she screamed at Sam who gave a little snort, which made Carly cover a giggle she has the cutest laugh..yea okay I'm just a little obsessed. I mean come on the girl is perfect on every level in a world of imperfections. She was a master piece.

_Miss. Puckett get your head up right NOW!_

_Go Away.._

Sam Swatted at her as she came up by her desk..a worried look crossed Carly's delicate face I didn't want her to worry about Sam which she would do all day if Sam got kicked out of class again. So I acted quick and grabbed a egg from my throwing stash okay I was popular that didn't mean I had to lose my tom boy edge did it? Without thinking I threw it at Mrs. Briggs who screamed so loud that every Sleeping student in every class in Ridgeway high woke up screaming.. in Sam's case it was ..

_I'm innocent you can't prove I did it _

_Carly call my Lawyer! _

Her eyes were wide her breathing erratic as she shot up causing every student who was in a shock of disbelief that I just egged the meanest teacher in Ridgeway History to become hysterical in Laughter. Carly's laugh was so light and so sweet it brought music to my ears which helped calm the racing pace my heart was going ..my grandad was going to kill me...Mrs. Briggs turned from Sam and her beady eyes focused on me...

_Wendy Austin Williams!_

_Principle Now! _

_Yea Cause Principle Franklin is so mean.._

_Mouthing off add that to the list of offense you little demon_

I saw Sam mouth to Carly

_What happened? _

Confused she looked kind of cute as she shock her head her blond hair messily falling around her face , Carly gave a slight shake of her head and a heart warming smile to Sam which almost made me choke. It made Sam melt I saw her wiggle her fingers towards Carly under the desk Carly glanced around and took them wrapping her's around Sam's my eyes met Carly and she gave me a short sweet worried smile which gave me the confidence to do this she mouthed the words Thank you and it was all I needed.

Mrs. Briggs followed me out of the room screaming about the horrid pathetic excuse of lazy imbeciles that pass as teenagers for today. Just as we got out of the room Mr. Howard came around the corner screaming at a shirtless Gibby Gibson who was protesting having to wear clothes to school. They stopped to talk to each other then I got the pleasure of being escorted by a cranky old man who hated kids as much as she did and a pissed off Gibby who was giggling his stomach going on about Pride and discrimination cause he wasn't a jock.

I threw myself into a hard plastic chair as I awaited my turn in his office with any luck he would be so tired from Gibby he would just laugh it off. I mean he loved Sam..but some how I doubted this..man my granddad was going to flip..Nathan Hugh Williams was many things top Judge in the state of Seattle a seat on city council a devoted catholic who spent Sundays helping at the soap house..he demanded top grades positive attitudes and hard work he made sure we maintained a A + average or we were grounded till we got it. He threw a fit if we were 5 minutes late some where ..this was going to get me killed..

Closing my eyes I could hear his voice...

Positive Actions have positive rewards a smile is worth a thousand words no matter what is going on Smile cause it can only get better.

Yea Not Today Grand-Dad..


	3. Chapter 3 Eavesdrop

**Hero**

**Eavesdrop**

**Wendy p o v **

Head back eyes closed deep breath it's what was getting me through the waiting the office was pretty quite Mr. Franklin 's Secretary was busy typing away at the computer as she was taking phone calls.

Was I crazy for doing what I just did? How could I not though? I mean my mom has always said to protect the ones you love the most you will walk through hell and back. Well that's how I felt about Carly. I would do anything for her and I know that the best way to get into Carly's heart was to help Sam. Besides I really liked Sam we had friends for a while we were P.I.C 's after all. It's not like I was going to miss much in Mrs. Briggs class.

_So What Did you do Williams?_

_Huh? Oh Hey Kalb_

I grinned as I lazily opened my left eye to look towards Kalb Abraham who was kicking a chair earning a nasty look from the secretary which pleased him just fine.

_I egged Mrs. Briggs_

_Wh..at No Way! That's awesome nasty witch got what she had coming!_

He high-fived me

_My hero sista!_

_I try thanks _

_What chaya here for? _

_Skipping Class two days in a row_

_Busted?_

_Ah yea man cops hauled me in this morning_

_Why'd ya skip?_

_Why does anyone? Class is rank man_

_Old bitty ain't got nothin my mind don't already know ya know what I saying?_

_Ya' man I do .._

_I use to skip to _

_Yea what happened to you G'? you use to be down_

Shrugging I didn't feel like telling him the real reason which was that this year I had almost every class with Carly and I couldn't bare to be apart from her. I made sure I always got to sit on the opposite side of Sam. So I could still be close enough to smell her amazing perfume and lotion hear her sweet laugh, be close enough to accidentally touch her soft smooth skin. Yet not intrude on Sam's Territory. Not that Carly was some kind of property you could own but she was the hottest estate in all of Rigdeway or anyway near this stupid building.

How long have I been in love with her? I can't even say when I first started to notice I honestly can say that I remember from a very young age that I was different then the other girls as far back as Elementary school. When all the other 12 years old's were talking about Boys and hair styles I was with my friend Sam we would be talking about the latest WWF Fight , we would be arguing over the Giants and the Dodgers her being a obsessed Giants Fan and me being from LA a mean Dodgers supporter. We would be having spit contests and mouthing off to the Popular girls. As we grew I remember sitting on the side lines as all the girls became obsessed with makeup and clothes and which boy was cuter, I would just roll my eyes I never found any boy remotely that cute to go all gooey eyed over. I remember being 14 and at my friend Tammi's house she had some boys over and we were drinking not hard stuff just some screwdrivers and peach snobs and we started to play spin the bottle and I had to kiss Gibby. I felt nothing and maybe some would argue well it's Gibby for god sakes but I knew even then...it wasn't just who it was it was what it was..a boy...I went into a depression for like a year and just hid till I decided to experiment. I called up a friend of my older sister who I knew was a out and proud Lesbian and I asked her to help me. She hooked me up with a friend of hers who agreed to kiss me..while I won't say Sparks flew but I felt something and I just knew. So I did what any other 14 year old would do ..I pretended it wasn't true I started hanging out with the popular girls and trying to conform to what they were gorgeous, Strong, Thin they were what everyone envied I changed who I was and what I was. I turned my back on my former friends, who slowly sunk into the back round. Expect Sam she was the only one who I felt never judged me. Through Sam I got to hang with Carly and she just amazed me she was smart funny passionate funny tough and loyal oh did I mention drop dead gorgeous?

In 8th grade Carly and I became partners in Science and we spent a lot of time together studying and researching plotting and reading. She was always nice and had the greatest idea's School was always important to me it had to be in my family you had to well in school or you had no life outside your room. She took it seriously and I loved that. She always had a great attitude even when life sucked.

I can't pin point the exact moment I fell it just happened slowly but steadily I fell in love. I was falling hard and I hated being a coward so I decided this year to do something about it.

I saw Sam getting further and further into trouble and I knew Carly was worried, as long as I knew Sam I knew her home life sucked even though she never said it and even though we lived on total opposite sides of town . Everyone knew Sam's mom was a horrible mom she was never home , when she was she was drunk or high she would scream at Sam beat her ...she didn't feed her or buy her clothes that was all Carly and Spencer. I saw Sam growing more Depressed it wasn't a outward appearance she never showed it ..well except her eyes she never did homework anymore she never even tried to fake it she was drinking more and more I suspected she was using coke but I had no proof. So I figured good way to get to Carly through Sam, I saw Carly and Sam having a fight earlier that day over Sam's lack of concern for her future all because she refused to do her homework. Then she threw out that homework so I went and grabbed it from that yucky gross and disquisition garbage can. I was proud of myself I had come up with a good foul proof plan I knew Sam was in Dentition so I went to Carly's apartment to start off talking to her and in the conversation I was planning to lean in and kiss her . Carly may not return the feelings but I knew she would never hurt me either.

I was nervous and I was shaking when I went inside Spencer was just leaving he sent me upstairs. I'm sure he had no idea what his Little sister was doing but when I went up there I heard Sam's laugh which I thought was strange I know she had Dentition, I heard Mrs. Briggs give it to her in the hall when she plastered posters of Mrs. Briggs head on a skunk's butt. With the caption Pee-U stinkiest Teachers in American School's...it was awesome so ridiculously funny I almost peed myself . So so had ditched I assumed well this was going to make it harder Sam had a Repetition for making fun of anyone who was different while I was almost sure she wouldn't do it to me she did it to Freddie who was closer to her then I was . He loved Carly and she made his life a living hell. So should I wait? Maybe she would leave I took a deep breath it was now or never..

I stepped closer to her door I could see just a tiny bit inside her Grey carpet was littered in clothes I heard the giggles become moans what the heck were they doing? Laying down I squatted against the wall so they couldn't see me, I knew it was wrong I felt creepy sitting in the hall praying no one would see me in the middle of my Eavesdrop session. But I had to know didn't I? I looked past the furniture and the decor which was very colorful, I crept closer and saw what broke my heart Sam was laying on her back with Carly on top..Carly was kissing Sam's nipples as she ran her hands over her whole body covering her in soft sweet kisses making Sam squeal and Squirm in pleasure. She was running her own hands over Carly's smooth tanned skin causing Carls to shiver as she rewarded her with kisses. I saw Carly kiss Sam all the way down I heard her asking Sam something like Are you sure? Are you ready? I couldn't make it out exactly but whatever it was Sam moaned in response and must of gave her permission cause Carly started to kiss her lower and lower making Sam close her eyes as she moaned loud and deep .I saw Sam grip Carly's bed Sheets tighter as she willingly spread her legs, I watched as Carly forced her tongue inside Sam's lower Area her breathing got faster as she seemed to be trying to hold back her screams became louder and more higher in pitch as her whole body fought to remain in control. It was wrong to Eavesdrop on them I know that it was Creepy stalkerish and gross in a way but it was like I was drawn by some force that I couldn't shake, She kept calling Carly's name in a very Sexy UnSamish like voice which seemed to make Carly happy. She moved her hands up Sam's legs as she buried her face deeper into Sam's Private area . After what seemed like a eternity to me Sam gave a deep Groan as she appeared to be unable to fight it off anymore. Her whole body jerked as she was lifted from the bed Carly laughed as she kissed her licking her all over wrapping her arms around her pulling her to her own body which my eyes were fantasized on Carly was never blessed to be full figured the way Sam was but her body was pretty sweet either way her breast looked full in their own way I watched as Sam kissed each one and Carly leaned her head back to give Sam full accesses. I let my eyes linger on Carly's delicate Features so tanned so muscular so sweet they wandered past her amazing breasts to her flat firm stomach which Sam was taking full advantage of. To her toned legs her firm butt which was just the right size. I swear it was like Sam knew someone was watching as She Griped Carly's butt with her hands firmly making Carls squeak in shock She took the attack of her lips from Carly's body to her sweet tender kissable lips. They were involved in a deep French kiss for at least 5 minutes how either one went without air that long was beyond me. At some point they rolled off the bed and Sam took Carly's hands laying her down on her ice cream Sandwhich couch ... hugging the door frame harder so I wouldn't fall inside my eyes bugged out as I got a full view of Carly's body as she laid over the couch Sam straddling on top of her Carly closed her eyes her head was inches away from me I could smell her sweet perfume. It filled my senses and made me want her so much more but it was evident I would never have her as her moans of pleasure from Sam's lips touching her sweet skin filled my ears I felt a few wet spots start to drip from my eyes. I saw Sam's mouth fully cover Carly's private area as Carly squealed Sam's name over and over with the words " _Oh my god oh my sweet god! _Escaping her sweet lips ..

I got up slowly shaking as I felt my heart breaking my throat was dry but my stomach was full and ready to come up I couldn't believe I had just seen and heard what I did.

I started leaving the building slow and painfully I got outside her apartment building when I heard Freddie calling to me by now the tears were in full effect. I heard him calling to me but I couldn't stop I just ran out and kept running till I was all the way home.

Throwing myself on the bed I cried and cried till I couldn't cry anymore..all I kept thinking was

Why.

Why Sam?

Why not me?

What did Sam have that I didn't?

I started to hate Sam I started to want her dead. She wasn't better then me. I was prettier I was sweeter I was a good student Sam hated School she hated learning Carly loved it I loved it, we were going someplace in the future where was Sam heading ? Jail or a early grave.

How could she choice her over me?

Everyday was pure torture after that every time Carly touched Sam in anyway I saw them on her couch on her bed , it made me sick.

It made me angry ..but most of all it made me depressed ..I was never going to find someone to love me.

So what was the whole point of living?

Why go on breathing when I couldn't be with the one who had my heart?

I started to cut it was small at first just a few flicks of the blade her and there it became deeper as time went on words like Ugly' Lesbo' Loser' I became a loner no one talked to me or if they did I didn't hear them all I heard was Sam and Carly every word was like bleeding in my ear. Every glance they gave each other was a cut to my heart.

I was alone and I didn't care anymore...

So one day I just gave up I grabbed a handful of pills and a bottle of Vodka I closed my eyes and opened my mouth...

_No one talks to her, she feels so alone  
>She's in too much pain to survive on her own<br>The hurt she can't handle overflows to a knife  
>She writes on her arm and wants to give up her life<br>Each day she goes on is a day that she's brave  
>Fighting the lie that giving up is the way<br>Each moment of courage her on life she saves  
>When she throws the pills out a hero is made<br>Heroes are made when you make a choice _

_Words To Hero By Superchick_


	4. Chapter 4 Swimming

**ikilled iCarly**

**Swimming**

**Gibby's p o v**

_I love Swimming!_

_I get to go shirtless and show all you stupid boys what a real man can do with a giggle!_

_Put your Shirt on Gibson no one wants to see your fatty flab_

_Shut your mouth Pete No one cares about what you dumb jocks think_

_You can't go around and just..._

_Ah..._

Before I knew it I was being propelled into the water by one of the school's dumbest and biggest jocks it happened so fast I couldn't even think. All I could do was spit out water as I tried not to drown my face colored full of embarrassment. Every kid was laughing at me I saw them pointing and staring. I tried to keep my anger in check what did these stupid ignorant kids know? I didn't let on how much it hurt to have their laughter rip through my ears. I wanted to yell out some witty comment but my mind was numb as their words ripped through me.

_Loser put a shirt on your disgusting_

_Just because your on icarly doesn't make you special_

_Your a joke Gibson how could such a fat pig come from such a hot slut of a mother?_

_Leave my mom out of this Jerk_

_Why didn't she tell ya how close we got I'm surprised you didn't hear her screaming my name when I .._

_That's it your Dead! _

_Look at that..Damn..._

The whistles started as Carly entered the Gym's Swimming pool dragging a reluctant Sam with her I heard them fighting as Carly was literally taking her hands pulling her I didn't hear the words though all I heard was the sound of my own heart beat pounding in my chest damn she was hot! Her long toned legs as she worked to get Sam out her pink strapless bikini hugged her in all the right places and made her long legs just pop out.

I felt everything in me rise up as I took her in her butt was almost directly in my face and all I wanted was to reach up and grab it but I knew she would kill me.

It was agony to watch as her and Sam play with each other as their amazing bodies were dripping with water and their faces full of light I just wanted to kiss Carly and hold her why did Sam get to be that close to her just because they were girls and Bff's ? Carly's laughter was music to my ears..

_Give it up Gibson you don't stand a chance with a goddess like that _

_She's way out of your league loser_

_Take this it better suits you loser_

Something was shoved into my chest I grunted as I fell back under the water couching and gagging as I came up I saw Sam dunk Carly who came back up and went after her both laughing I watched as Carly's amazing body bounced up and down her breasts looked like heaven to me.

I looked down in my hand to see a jar of cream my eyes went wide when it dawned on me that this was a cream for male masturbation..

_Better Get a good Supply of it fatty Cause this is all you'll ever get_

_No Hot girl will ever wanna get near you Extra Large Butt Face_

My face must have been the color of crimson by now I could barely see through the tears building up behind my eyes but I didn't need to see to know that all the kids were laughing and pointing at me.

As I was trying to fight off their words in my head I failed to see the jocks circling me until it was too late they had me trapped and had started to hit me hard across the back of the head pushing me down as they shouted rude and ignorant names and started to taunt me.

Well not all of them Carly had a sad look in her eyes as she let go off Sam's bikini top she started to yell at them to stop but I couldn't hear what she was saying their voices were louder and the rushing off the water was filling my ears as I gagged chocking I felt their kicks in my ribs in my stomach. Everything was starting to go black as I tried to fight them off.

Breathing was becoming harder more painful as water filled my lungs their taunts made me dizzy as I shoved my hands up to block them off I couldn't see water had rushed my eyes blinding me. My lungs were burning as my mind was growing fuzzy the only thoughts that were left were..

_So this is how it feels to die.._

_This is how I am going to take my last breath_

_Why Do I have to die before I get to find True Love?_

_Will My Mom Know how much I love her?_

_Will Carly remember me?_

Blackness was enclosing me now my arms felt weak as my head exploded in pain.

Fight Sounds filled my ears as sweet air filled my lungs. Taking a deep breath I shock my head as I looked around to see Sam punching the crap out of the kids ..I was breathless weak as I started to fall again before a pair of arms wrapped around me.

My eyes were playing tricks on me as I looked into those Honey Brown Eyes..She smiled at me she was like a Angel..

_Can you Swim?_

_Yea..I think so..._

Stupid I should of said no maybe she would of carried me..instead she held my arms as were started Swimming towards the wall.

I felt sick as Carly and I got to the edge I was still breathing hard as she pounded on my back. Her eyes were wide in fear as she sat by me.

_Is this what you deal with everyday?_

_Yea Nice Huh? _

_Why don't you say anything?_

_What's the point Do you see Mr. Howard standing there doing NOTHING!_

_No one cares about the fat kid Carly .._

I was pissed as I slammed my fist against the ground watching as Sam beat the kids but even she was getting out numbered I saw Carly's gaze switch. She was getting worried as the chants were getting louder.

Thank god the bell rang singling the end of Swimming which I normally would hate but today I couldn't wait till I could get away from the pool

Everyone scattered as Mr. Howard started freaking out. Carly helped me up my eyes were targeted on the bullies my hands clenched as Sam came over her face red blood coming from her nose.

Carly screamed as she went over to Sam who was rubbing her left shoulder grimacing in pain Carly ran to her and kissed her face ..

_Oh my god we need to get you to the nurse your _

_Bleeding baby why did you do that?_

_Someone had to stand up for the Gibster _

_No one picks on Gibby Expect me!_

I should thank her that was a compliment from Sam but my mouth was dry all I could think of was revenge.

_Gibby?_

_Their Pay all of them.._

Carly's eyes were full of fear as she held Sam's face in her hands examining her all I could see then was why did Sam get her attention? I was the one almost killed.

Anger burned in my throat my head all I wanted was them to pay Sam especially.


	5. Chapter 5 Carvinal

**iKilled iCarly **

**Carnival **

**Gibby's p o v**

_Today's Assignment Class is simple _

_Write a memory that you have before life became_

_This Depressing State of Loneliness that can never be filled_

_Well that's just so encouraging Mrs. Ackerman_ _aren't we so glad you moved up to become our high school teacher cause we didn't get enough of you in middle school.._

_Well Life is Jank Sam if you have a problem take it to the principal_

_She doesn't have a Problem do you Sam?_

Carly glared at her as she answered for her. Causing Sam to glare back as she huffed out a irradiated.

_No.._

She crossed her arms sinking down into her seat glaring at Carly. Who smiled as she got out her notebook and two pens tossing one to Sam who was grumbling under her breath.

This was easy for me I thought smiling as I stared at Carly who was busy poking Sam trying to get her to laugh and lighten up. Weird Assignment coming from a history teacher but hey who cares it would earn me a A+ for sure..

Grabbing Carly's spare Pen since we all knew Sam had no intention on doing the work which she glared at me for then shrugged as she put her head down on her desk shifting a big yawn.

_My Favorite memory before life became crap Easy.._

_I was 14 and running through Seattle's Annual Carnival it was late June and it was so frigging hot it was unreal. As normal I was shirtless and loving it, it was only 7pm but already I had devoured 5 corn dogs two funnel cakes ...A large ice cream and 4 soda's..diet ...I was winning prize after prize._

_The best part was I could see her from every angle she was walking with Sam and that tech geek what's his name? She looked amazing in a new short multicolored skirt which came below her her butt but just barely. She had a hello kitty tank top on and it clung to her assets perfectly. Her hair was freshly cut and pulled back from her face. _

_I wanted to kiss her so bad but I was too chicken to just run up to her and kiss her ..so what did I do? _

_I ran around till I got to the kissing booth and threw the girl out when Carly came up I grabbed my little brother and made him cry..When she stopped to ask what was wrong? He said just as I trained him to..I lost my money and I can't get a ride home..I'm raising money please help me get a bus ticket.._

_Of Course Carly fell for it and as soon as she stopped close enough I pooped up and grabbed her kissing her hard..her lips tasted sweet and juicy ...her face was in total shock yet she was still beautiful to me._

_All too soon it was over and Sam was pounding on me screaming at me to stop being such a Gibby as she beat me ..the punches hurt but nothing could make that memory go away.. the feel on Carly's lips on mine her hands on my skin. It was blissful.._

_I spent all evening riding the Ferris wheel knowing Sam was afraid of heights and would never come on here to look for me. I watched as she scurried all around the Carnival screaming I was going to be a dead Gibby when she got a hold of me. I could see everyone and I saw Carly as she got soaked by the water balloon toss by Sam she looked amazing of course her top clinging even tighter .. I saw her on some flier ride as her skirt flew up. Yes that was the best view...:} _

_I didn't even mind when I got sick from all the spinning nothing can or ever will take away that night from me..it was then I started to see that as bad as life can be sometimes with it's repetitive motions..it also holds a lot of good. Out cast kids can raise above and get their dreams even if only for a second there is hope ..that someday that second will be longer and someday it will be permanent. _

_Every year I wait for it to come cause I know I can ride the Wheel and watch her. Carly is the most amazing girl ever and some day she will be mine and no one can stop it from happening NO ONE... _

_She's my Carnival Ride she drives me crazy with her smile and infectious laugh like the tilt a whirl she makes my stomach do flip flops she makes my nervous go insane just like the craziest roller coaster she brings me to the highest of highs like the top of The Ferris Wheel and she can bring me to my lowest point ..like the top of the steepest ride as you look down and feel for sure this will be your death.._

_I try to be the best I can be I know whatever I decided my brother follows so I smile and I try to hide the constant pain I have every day but some times it's so hard...he's nine his whole world is TV and super hero's he see's me as his personal Superman how do I tell him that sometimes Life is Just Jank and there's no way to escape..Well there is one ..but he's nine he shouldn't know..So when he looks at me and asks me the tough questions " Like why are kids so cruel? I smile at him and remember that moment in time at the Carnival when I was king even just for a moment when I felt like I ruled the world.._

_He lives on the edge, he's old enough to decide  
>His brother who wants to be him is just nine<br>He can do what he wants because it's his right  
>The choices he makes change a nine-year-old's life<em>

Words To Hero By Superchick


	6. Chapter 6 Ticklish

**ikilled iCarly**

**Sam's p o v **

**Ticklish **

_Sam Are You Okay?_

_No.._

The World came out so soft and so weak it made me angry but I couldn't sound any stronger even if I wanted to try. My head was pounding I hadn't wanted to worry Carly but when I was fighting those guys someone had pushed me against the wall and I smacked my head. It was pounding so bad now my shoulder was on fire I was pretty sure it was broken or twisted or something bad. I knew if I told her she would freak out one me and drag me to the nurse who would ask questions and report me for fighting it wouldn't matter if it was in defense of Gibby, she would call Principal Franklin who would call the cops even if he didn't want to with the Anti bullying laws and Anti fighting laws it would be mandatory and I would be hauled off to Juvie again. The judge told me last time if I get into any more fights I would be sent to a youth camp for months. I wasn't going no matter how bad it was I would wait till we got home I knew Spencer would help me.

The word just slipped out when she asked I cursed myself for admitting it she was by my side in a second. Her hands on my shoulders..she felt amazing her breath on my face warm and minty it made me smile.

_Mrs. Ackerman I need to get Sam to the nurse.._

_Why What did Princess Puckerface do now?_

_Puckerface? Your a teacher for god sakes you can't be calling the students names_

_That's right Carly I'm a teacher you keep reminding me of my lowest of lows everyday _

_I could have been on Broadway tapping my way across all of New York City but instead_

_My life calling is to stand in front of a bunch of over privileged Snotty nose punks who's biggest _

_Ambitions are to get laid and to score the highest on what ever crap video game is the _

_Hottest at the moment_

_Lets Go Sam.._

I sighed as Carly glared at Mrs. Ackerman by then I could barely stand I had to lean on her for support.

She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me up kissing my head which made me give a soft groan.

_If you leave now you will get a F _

_You can't give me a f when I didn't hand in my test.._

_I can give you a F..F...F When f..ever I f...eel like it_

_Cause as you said so exuberantly I am the f...teacher_

_F..Lunatic.._

I heard Carly mutter as she helped me walk out making kids snicker including me..

_Go Carly Baby..._

_She pisses me off I thought we were done with that maniac when we left Middle school_

_Aw now ya know how I feel .._

_I thought I escaped the hate when I got here but I just got a new set of hate_

_The teachers don't hate ya Sam they hate that you don't do your homework that your distributive towards their classes that you show up late..that you talk back..._

_Well that's how I am..Loveable but Loud_

_Well I love ya you Crazy Lazy School hating freak.._

_Aw well that's all I need.._

_Why are we going to the library? _

_The Nurse's office is that a way.._

I pointed in the opposite end of the building ..confused she laughed and kissed my head.

_I know where the Rn's office is Silly_

_So why are we in the Lib...Lib.._

_Uh I can't say that dirty word.._

_Sam it's not a dirty word. it's where you go to learn and.._

_Learn...uh that makes me wanna puke.._

She laughed as we went to the back the librarian looked up in shock _ .._

_Well __Carlotta what a nice surprise we don't normally see you till 7__th__ period _

_I needed a break.._

_And What's...your name? _

_Sam! Sam Puckett! _

_We never see you here.._

Carly had a good laugh over that which made me glare but she ushered me to the back where there was some bean bags we settled into a large purple one me on her knee which suited me fine as I laid my head back on her shoulder she wrapped her arms around my mid section as we closed our eyes my pains seemed to lessen.

Carly was rubbing my back as we talked softly her kisses on my neck and face kept me calm and not thinking about the pain.

She started to pull me closer and I found myself lost in her grip as she turned me to face her lips made quick contact with my lips. Her lips are the most amazing feeling I could ever have their like two soft clouds which keep pulling me into their fluffiness her hands worked their way up my back causing a soft deep moan to escape, I could feel her grin as she kissed me deeper she started on my lower lips gently sucking asking me for permission which I gladly gave her leaning back she laid on top of me all of this was done very quietly so no one heard us, it was a feeling like pins and needles my lip tingled with unreleased desire. I felt her hand rubbing my stomach. When I kiss my Carls it feels like time is frozen for a moment as I breathe her in. Kissing affects all of your senses. You can kiss anybody, but there's nothing that can compare to that feeling of sensual, weightlessness you feel when you deeply love the person. Only those who have felt this feeling know what I mean...it's hard to describe.

It brings me back to the first time we kissed it was awkward and it was funny at the same time but even then I just knew it felt right I knew that no matter what happened or where we ended up she would always be the only one I truly loved.

I took it up a level as amazing as this felt I knew I could enhance it as soon as my tongue moved over her lips and gained entrance I could feel her whole body shake in anticipation and excitement. I held her close. I could feel her sweet warm wetness in my mouth my whole body became so relaxed as I laid in her arms, I swear It was like visiting heaven and I did not want to come back. I could feel my whole body start to become aroused and a growing wetness was forming in my lower abdominal area a few moans escaped from both of us as we held each other so much tighter.

We were both on such a high that it was like crashing when we came down both of us breathing fast our faces red I pushed her hair back to kiss her face, she smiled at me her eyes locking with mine as she buried herself in that bean bag. I laid next to her settling in her side like a little baby cub against it's Mamma.

We lay there for who knows how long just enjoying being with each other, I could feel her heart beating against my chest and I placed my hand over it.

She looked at me smiling..

_I love you Carls so much I swear it's like whenever I feel your heart beating it gives me life_

_Aw Sam don't say that You have _ _your own reasons to live don't live for me live for them_

_You Are my Reason to Live Carls my sunshine my air my water my very Breath.._

_Aw Sam..._

_Shh..._

I traced her heart with my fingers ..kissing her soft and sweet as we laid our heads together..I started with a poem I heard from somewhere.

_How do I love thee? Let me count the ways._ _I love thee to the depth and breadth and height_ _My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight_ _For the ends of being and ideal grace._ _I love thee to the level of every day's_ _Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light._ _I love thee freely, as men strive for right._ _I love thee purely, as they turn from praise._ _I love thee with the passion put to use_ _In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith._ _I love thee with a love I seemed to lose_ _With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,_ _Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,_ _I shall but love thee better after death._ _Sam! Don't say that you are not going to die anytime soon!_ _I know Carls I'm just saying that's how much I love you.._ Her eyes teared up as she kissed me long and deep..then she started to sing very soft..

_Sparks fly it's like electricity  
>I might die, when I forget how to breath<br>You get closer and there's no where in this world I'd rather be  
>Time stops like everything around me is frozen<br>And that the night is the thieves  
>Few moments when you open my mind to things I've never seen<em>

_Cuz when I'm kissing you my senses come alive  
>Almost like the puzzle piece I've been trying to find<br>Falls right into place you're all that it takes  
>My doubts fade away when I'm kissing you<br>When I'm kissing you it all starts making sense  
>And all the questions I've been asking in my head<br>Like are you the one should I really trust  
>Crystal clear it becomes when I'm kissing you<em>

_Past loves they never got very far  
>Walls up make sure I guarded my heart<br>And I promise I wouldn't do this  
>Till I knew it was right for me<br>But no one, no girl that I met before  
>Could make me feel so right and secure<br>And have you noticed I loose my focus  
>And the world around me disappears<em>

_Cuz when I'm kissing you my senses come alive  
>Almost like the puzzle piece I've been trying to find<br>Falls right into place you're all that it takes  
>My doubts fade away when I'm kissing you<br>When I'm kissing you it all starts making sense  
>And all the questions I've been asking in my head<br>Like are you the one should I really trust_

_Crystal clear it becomes when I'm kissing you_

_I've never felt nothing like this  
>You're making me open up<br>No point in even trying to fight this  
>It kinda feels like it's loveee<em>

_Cuz when I'm kissing you my senses come alive  
>Almost like the puzzle piece I've been trying to find<br>Falls right into place you're all that it takes  
>My doubts fade away when I'm kissing you<br>When I'm kissing you it all starts making sense  
>And all the questions I've been asking in my head<br>Like are you the one should I really trust  
>Crystal clear it becomes when I'm kissing you <em>

I Melted into her arms as I closed my eyes without warning she started to tickle me I couldn't help but start to giggle which became full bloom laughter.

_What's the matter Sammie Can't you handle it?_

_Yeeeee...ssss..._

_I don't think you can handle it .._

_I caaa...nn..nnn_

_Girls be quite! _

_Sorry Ma'am will be quite _

_Carls stooooppp_

I was uncontrollable as she tried to keep her promise to the Librarian. Which was harder then she wanted since I was near hysteria.

_Stop Carls.._

_Say I will be good in school and _

_I will always love the most gorgeous girl in the world Carly Shay_

_You got the last part babe forever_

_Say the whole thing or someone will have to get use to the ticklish tickle monster.._

_Carls I have to pee sto...oo...pp..p..p..._

_Say Pretty Please _

_I have to pee ba...a...aaaa..dd_

_Okay okay you win Puckett but you better be f.._

The sound of the mid 5th period bell blaring interpreted her we covered our ears as I recovered from laughing so hard even my breathing hurt. She helped me up as we started to go out kids had started to fill the library.

6th is the first Lunch and it's split in between 60 minutes 1st Lunch is the first half and then 2and we had 7th pr Lunch which was insane and cruel if you ask me I was always starving by then.

Just as we approached the door we heard a quick session of _pop pop_ we looked at each other..

_Great what did Gibby do now?_


	7. Chapter 7 Trouble

**ikilled iCarly **

**Trouble**

**Sam's p o v**

Carly held my hand as we went to grab the door knob inches away from it the doors swung open and in rushed Nate one of Carly's old boyfriends his eyes looked haunted he was breathless and sweating as he screamed the next words that will haunt me forever ..Words that have become all to familiar in American Schools today.

_They have a gun their shooting up the school !_

_Everyone get down!_

We all seemed frozen for a moment in time then in seconds we were all moving at once trying to barricade the door as a deafening buzzard rung out singling that the whole school was on lock down.

I felt the panic start to rise inside I felt sick I felt dizzy what I didn't feel was the need to go anymore.

I felt Carly squeezing my hand so hard I thought it would break. I looked at her and saw her eyes she was frozen and about to panic. I had to take action grabbing her I pushed her to the door so we could help keep them out.

Kids were screaming in the hallway I could see everyone rushing around books being scattered papers flying as everyone tried to get out or get into a safe room. I felt bad someone was probably going to get shot because they couldn't get into the library but I had to protect Carly. She was hyperventilating I was scared she would have An Asthma attack ..

_Heads down keep your heads down get under the tables!_

_POP! POP!_

_The gunshots are coming closer everyone stay down!_

I was almost near panic myself Carly was frozen her eyes filling with tears. The library was in a state of utter pandemonium everyone was shoving to get to safety. The shots were so loud it felt like my ear drums were going to burst .

_The windows we need to get out of them!_

_We can't were on lock down _

_What the hell How does that make sense we need to get out not stay trapped!_

_Sam!_

_Shh Carls it's going to be okay _

_I promise baby I'm right here.._

Grabbing her I ran to the back remembering the cubbyholes that some students use if they have study pr during 6th and lunch instead of going to their lockers their stuff things inside of here. I dragged Carly who was like a limp rag. Finding the nearest one I threw the stuff out of it and pulled her inside covering her with my body, We were both shaking as we held each other I had to think of ways to get out we weren't going to die here no way!

I held her kissing her and talking to her softly which seemed to help her as she wrapped her arms around me tighter pulling me so close. I could feel her breath her tears, her fear, I knew she had to feel my pants and felt the embarrassment creep up my face. She never said a word about It she just kept kissing me telling me she loved me.

The shots were getting louder it sounded like firecrackers going off. As part of the ceiling came down kids started to scream some were crying some praying. That's what Carly started to do she took my hands and held them in hers.

_Lord in heaven we pray to you _

_Lord we pray that you are by our side we can feel you _

_We need your guidance and your love now more then ever_

_Lord please keep us safe_

_T__he Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.  
>He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.<br>He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake._

_Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death or through the darkest valley  
>I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.<em>

_You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.  
>You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.<em>

_Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,  
>And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.<em>

I'm not a religious person at all I can't even say I truly believe in god I mean he really hasn't done a lot for me. I knew this was helping Carly though and to me that's all that mattered, I wondered if he was hearing her prayer would he listen would he care? I thought of all the school shootings that have happened in the last 10 years how many of these kids have sat huddled with a friend praying they would survive? How many prayed for mercy only to be shot and killed like a animal? How many thought they might have a chance? How many begged for their killers to turn away? What were their thoughts? Did they feel any pain? How many thought god was their savior and he was going to make them come out safely? Girls Like Cassie Bernall , who was asked if she believed in god and when she said yes she was murdered her name stuck in my mind even though I was only five when Columbine happened.

Suddenly the whole floor started to shake and the walls vibrated I could hear the sounds of shattering glass as it sounded like a explosion, Carly held me tighter her tears soaking my shirt as I rocked her the gun shots sounded like they were right outside. I just held her and thought about all the things I have never gotten to do. Would I get to do them? Would my Mom ever know that I loved her? Did she even love me? Did she care about what was happening ? Did she know?

Another explosion ripped through the air this time I saw it I pulled Carly's face to my chest so she wouldn't see as the doors were blown open in a ball of fire. I saw the nice Librarian who had talked to Carly earlier be blown back by the Explosion as a kid who couldn't be any older then us entered carrying a semiautomatic he or she looked around and just started firing bullets sprayed the air as kids screamed trying to hide pulling chairs in front of them tables anything, the kid was wearing all black and had a ski mask on. I saw the reddish orange blaze as the gun fired off rounds. I saw kids being shot. I shushed Carly so she wouldn't get us shot she was whimpering and crying silently but with enough force she was going to give us away if she didn't stop. I held her and kissed her as my eyes were glued tears burned my throat but I refused to allow them to fall.

Classmates were dropping left and right I saw the Librarian trying to get up to crawl over to the desk to signal for help. The kid turned and shot her in the back and her legs, I gasped thank god it wasn't heard.

Then the shooter turned and looked to this girl in our History class Emily Emeralds she's 15. I didn't hear what was said but I saw the bullet fired straight into her head. She fell her eyes wide open her mouth spurting out blood.

After a bullet smashes into your brain you have maybe 10 to 15 seconds to live the brain is a fragile organ surrounded by liquid not only does a bullet destroy whatever tissue is around it the shock waves severely jar the whole organ ripping apart millions of delicate structures , connections. In the seconds that follow the brain swells up with blood and other bodily fluids, the part that controls breathing stops. The heart stops beating. You Die..I watched as Emily took her last ragged breath as her killer smashed his foot into her stomach and laughed.

I swallowed I felt sick but I had to be strong.

I knew that as much Trouble as we were in now.. for the moment we were hidden we hadn't been seen if the shooter saw us...Trouble wouldn't even begin to say what we were in.

I pulled Carly closer back further we were already so cramped my legs were numb my shoulders were on fire. My head was pounding and my eyes burned from too many sights and sounds.

I helplessly watched as the shooter kept shooting and taken victims. Closing my eyes as I felt her or his footsteps come closer. I wondered Did Carly know how much I loved her? She was frozen in my arms I kissed her lips lifting her face to mine..I couldn't speak from fear all I could do was kiss her.

_Ah..._

I screamed as my hair was yanked up and I was staring into the shooter's eyes I knew those eyes..I went to school with those eyes we had classes together..we had lunch together..I didn't know their name . I just knew that I knew them.

Carly was gripping my arm as she hide behind me she was shaking as she clung to me in full panic attack mode. I tried to shush her squeezing her hand...

_Shut up!_

The killer screamed my ears burned from all the noise I couldn't pin point who he or she was. I just looked them in their eyes..

_Do you love her?_

The gun was pointed at Carly who squealed who was shaking her legs started to give I went to reach out to her and felt the sudden pain shot through my head as I saw too late the end of the gun come down on my head I collapsed.

_Answer me! _

_Do you love her!_

I saw Carly's eyes as she stared at the kid she wasn't afraid all of a sudden her eyes now held a peaceful look like she was accepting what ever her fate was. I stared at her breathing heavy my chest and head on fire. She had never looked more gorgeous as the sunlight caught on her face and hair.

_Yes I love her!_

I swear I saw a grin I know I heard a snicker..

_So that makes you what?_

_Human you piece of gutless .._

_Sam Stop!_

_Aw how sweet the Queer defends her bulldyke_

_So that's true then your Gay?_

I knew better then to argue and I wasn't about to lie...

_Yes.._

_Good to know you wanna know what I think about you sick freaks?_

_No _

They say when your about to die your life flashes before your eyes but I can tell you that's a lie. As I stood there with the gun pressed against my head the kids breath hot against my face. All I felt was time frozen.

I heard the click I closed my eyes then I felt the swoosh of air as the gun breezed by and aimed at Carly I heard the Pop and I screamed.

**I Don't Wanna Die"**  
>Hollywood Undead <p>

_[Chorus]  
>I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die<br>I don't wanna die so you're gonna have to  
>I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die<br>No I don't wanna die so you're gonna have to  
>Blood is getting hotter, body's getting colder<br>I told you once I'm the only one who holds her  
>I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die<br>I don't wanna die so you're gonna have to_

_[Charlie Scene]  
>I look inside of myself and try to find someone else<br>Someone who's willin' to die as to watch you cryin for help  
>I know that blood will be spilled and if you won't then I will<br>My grave will never be filled it's either kill or be killed  
>So let heaven be told that some may come some may go<br>Where I'll end up I don't know but I ain't dyin' alone  
>I keep on askin the question can I be saved by confession<br>You see this blood on my hands at least I still reach into heaven  
>I got to pick up the pieces I gotta burry 'em deep<br>And when you look in my eyes I'll be the last thing you'll see_

_[Chorus]_

_[J3T]  
>Words turn into blood and the blood keeps on pourin'<br>From every poor I wipe it off cuz this just could be the moment  
>Now someones gotta die and I'm my only opponent<br>Cuz I won't watch my baby cry so I keep on just goin'  
>Am I a man or a beast it's mother nature at least<br>Watch humanity cease cuz it's our human disease  
>You gotta kill when you gotta kill yeah that's what they say<br>And I can't go against God's will you better pray  
>Cuz I'm an angel a demon yeah I'm hell and I'm heaven<br>I'm everything you couldn't be now you believe in the devil  
>I gotta Pick up the pieces I gotta bury them deep<br>And when the dirt hits the coffin just go to sleep_

_[Chorus]_

_[Danny]  
>I see<br>I see you buried  
>Six feet Below<em>

_[J3T]  
>Another life goes into the knife<br>I couldn't let 'em breath 'cause I didn't wanna die_

_[Danny]  
>I see<br>I see you buried  
>Six Feet Below<em>

_[J3T]  
>It's not alright can you hear me as i cry<br>I couldn't let you live 'cause I didn't wanna die_

_[Chorus] _


	8. Chapter 8 Sick

**ikilled iCarly**

**Sick**

**Freddie 's p o v**

Where the heck were Carly and Sam? Wasn't it bad enough that I had to be late for school because mom got it in her head that I needed a antibacterial bath in Holy Water.

Then I had to get a lecture from Mrs. Briggs who for some reason had it out for me. Then Principle Franklin gave me a detention because for some reason he thought I was lying.

Now I had to listen to Mr. Howard rant on and on about kids who have no manners no respect .

Well at least I got to stare at Leigh Alley Perry who had to be one of the most amazing looking girls created she was smart tall blond with an amazing chest and she was a cheerleader. Which of course meant she was taken by the lead jock Jason Sanders.

It was Sick how did these gorgeous smart girls end up with pigs like Jason who only wanted one thing?

I would treat her so much better I would never pressure her lie to her make her feel dumb. I would buy her flowers and treat her to dinner.

I laid my head down and sighed where the heck was Sam and Carly? I hadn't seen them in two days I had to tell them about a awesome new Av program that would work so well for iCarly.

I must of fallen asleep no sleep in two nights and a crazy mom will do that for you cause I woke up to the sound of a explosion

I sat up as everyone else started to look around suddenly the classroom erupted into complete madness.

Just then Mrs. Briggs ran into the room her hair sticking up ..

_Everyone Get under your desk's there's a kid with a gun!_

I had to find Carly and Sam. What kind of sick freak would do this? I knew Sam and Carly would be together their always together Sam and Carly were always joined at the hip it was impossible to find one without the other.

That's why Cam was so popular everyone knew that Carly and Sam had something so special.


	9. Chapter 9 School

**ikilled iCarly**

**Spencer's p o v**

**School**

_Upise, Downes upsies downes_

_Spencer Shay _

_What are you doing!_

_When will you ever grow up!_

_Honestly a grown man of your age should not be playing with the ears of a stuffed dog!_

_Shh Mrs .Benson fluffy doesn't know he's stuffed_

I covered his ears as I whispered to him..

_It's okay Little guy she's just a mean old nasty hardened bat_

_You are perfect just the way you are.._

_Get a job! How the courts awarded custody of Carly to you is one of the greatest Mysteries and makes me Highly Doubt the legal system in America! _

_Well how they let you out of the nut factory is beyond me you are a disgrace to nuts everywhere!_

_At least I …_

_Blah Blah Blah do you have a point to this ever pleasant visit besides harassing me? _

_Harassment ! The nerve! _

_I will show you what harassment is!_

_Feel Free to show me But wait I have something to show you first_

_What could YOU Possible Show me that I don't already .._

I ushered her to the door and made a motion with my hand she followed..

_This is what I can show.._

With that I slammed the door..in her face as she was still shrieking. She had some nerve acting like she was so much smarter then I was just because I dropped out of law school after three days. I graduated High School. okay barely but I did get my diploma that counts. Sighing she had exhausted me so I grabbed a container of cheese and flopped down on the couch my eye lids felt heavy as I flipped on the TV.

Stupid Girly Cow that Carly and Sam lov was on again flip channel some cheesy soap opera where some dude was sleeping with his wife's sister who was pregnant with his child and was blackmailing his butt for everything he was worth..garbage ..some stupid news report on some school...yuck...'s Barney and Friends were on I watched that, finding myself singing along with the song and dancing which ended with me twisting my leg over my other leg and tripping over the table which I then landed on. ow...this was not going to end well Carly was going to flip!

Limping over to the couch in Embarrassment I groaned how was I going to explain this to my sister?

Flipping through the channel I landed on some Soap opera some daughter Marisa was having a heart to heart with her momma Krystal. I sighed thinking about our Momma if she had lived where would Carly and I be now? Mom was always on us about the importance of School, she really believed that getting your education was the key to life's exceptions it was mom who encouraged me to follow my love of art she got me into classes at the local Art School when I was only 7 , she's the one who saw I had talent and kept at me to study and practice.

What would mom say knowing I dropped out of law school? Then again maybe if Mom was alive I wouldn't of dropped out, Carly would have had a full time mom so I wouldn't of had to be a parent at 22 it was just one thing of many in life that took me by Surprise not that I minded being a parent cause I loved Carly so much I would do anything for her.

Thinking about her made me smile she looked so much like our beautiful momma more and more every day. She was a very unique person even at only 16 she was blossoming into such a awesome kid. She had a hidden talent for music which she never liked to show to anyone expect me and Sam. Sam she was another one who took me by surprise when she bounded into this apartment at 8 years old so full of energy and sarcasm she just had this light that made Carly come to life. They met a month after Momma died and Carly was so lost and hurt she wasn't talking about her feelings to anyone and there was a custody war going on with our granddad who wanted to take her back to Yakima. She wanted to stay in Seattle where she was born and raised, but Grandad kept saying I was too young to raise a kid and go to school. He was right in a way but I never let on cause I knew Carly needed stability in her life.

Still she was quite she didn't talk she didn't eat she was huddled up in her room after school all day she didn't come out unless I made her.

The day Sam came into her life everything changed she came home smiling and laughing a sound I hadn't heard in over a month. Sam just brought something out inside Carly that no one could. She slept over and I swear Carly spent the whole night giggling at every joke Sam made. They were so cute together with Sam's blond hair and Carly's dark Chestnut hair when they were bowed together with their heads pressed against each other it's like fate was meant to bring them together. Sam was the answer to a unprayed prayer for me she was the one who gave me back my little sister , it was funny in a way cuz their complete opposites. Carly was shy and took School seriously she was always about doing the hard work to get the gain. Sam was lazy and hated school she passed out if you said the word work and hated getting physical. Carly was quite emotional and easily upset she hated blood or guts she was sensitive and sweet always caring for others. Sam was loud and abrasive she never showed her fears or emotions she could be violent if provoked sweet was not what you would call her but what most didn't know was that she had a sensitive side and she had fear and they came out when she was alone or with Carly. They were inseparable ever since they first met Carly was always helping Sam with her School work and with her personal problems she was like a little mother to her. Sam in turn helped Carly stay young and remember she was still a kid and she didn't have to take on the world at only 16. Somehow with all these differences they not only became best friends but I knew for a long time that they were more then that. 

Neither one would admit it but I knew that they had been in love with each other for a long time and it made me smile I only wanted the best for my little sister and Sam I knew would never hurt her and would protect her.

My eyes felt heavy as I closed them and yawned …

_Shots Fired at Ridgeway High school right here..._

I shot up as I gasped the dream was too real I had been running in the sand in just socks with two hot blondes one feeding me ice cream banana pistachio flavor which Carly declared down right nasty while the other blond was giving me a rub down..Then Mrs. Briggs came in just her underwear...

Waking up I shuddered as sweat dripped down my whole body looking around I sighed in relief yawing I stretched out and looked at the news about to change it when I heard...

_Shots Fired at Ridgeway High school right here..._

Great another school shooting ..Wait did they say..

What the Hell.. I turned the volume up on the Tv..

_Shots Fired at Ridgeway High school right here._

Grabbing my keys I hauled it out the door almost smacking into Mrs. Benson who was rushing out with a bag full of cleaning supplies.

_My Freddie!_

_All those germs I need to get the Antibacterial soap! _

_My poor Baby! _

We didn't say a word as we ran out of the building as Lewbert was screaming.

_Get off my floors ah!_

_I hate all of you! You are driving me insane!_

There was no time to drive not with the way traffic was and I knew it would be a mad house at the school. A million thoughts were swimming in my head as I thought about Carly being in the middle of all of this.

My sweet innocent sister who had never intently hurt anyone why was this happening?

The School was packed before I could even round the corner I could see the millions of flashing lights. I could hear the sirens as I came into view and I could feel the fear and the tension as people were running around screaming kids were fleeing from the School crying and shaking as they scanned the area for their parents who were all swarming police were holding them back .Where was Carly? I started screaming her name trying to push past people I lost Marisa some where but I didn't care I had to find my Sister and Sam.

Panic was sweeping through me police were trying to direct parents to another school to wait for their kids but many were fighting them, I shoved past I had to find her and Sam but someone grabbed me I whipped around and punched them taking off, helicopters were circling and hovering. I could see at least 6 bomb squads lining the school A.T.F was also there . As I rounded the School's corner I saw a area where kids were huddled in the back my eyes were scanning every kid for Carly Sam or Freddie, My heart was beating so fast I could hardly breathe. Fear had gripped every part of me as I stopped to get my breath feeling sick, police officers were trying to get me out decked out in heavy gear making me all too aware of just how serious this was. That's when loud shots rung out you could hear the screams of the kids as someone shot continuously my throat became clogged was that Carly I heard? I swear I recognized her voice..

_Carly! Carly!_

_Get back Sir_

_Get out of my way why aren't you doing something their shooting those kids!_

_We can't move yet sir it's not safe now you need to get back.._

_Not until I find my sister!_

_Bastard let me go!_

I looked to my left as one of the officers shoved me to a grassy area a few hundred feet away from the school's west side. A father was kneeling on the grass yelling at the sky.

_How can this happen?_

_Why God Why! _

To my right a older man paced his fingers running through his graying hair I swallowed who did he know? Poor old man as bad as it was for me I felt worse for him this is the kind of thing that could give you a heart attack very easily.

_Who do you know?_

His eyes looked at me they were kind and full of fear and sadness ones that had seen more then anyone should have . I bet he could tell some stories..

_My Grand kids Wendy and Nathan I'm raising them with my wife_

_It's so hard now a days kids have so many issues but we try my wife and I were good_

_Hard working folks we tried to do what was right. _

_I know it's hard to raise teens now a days I'm raising my little sister_

We started chatting about what it was like to be parents ...it was good to hear from someone who thought his parenting days were over till he was thrusted into it again after his Son's death.

_I just don't get it in my days we would of never thought of bringing a gun to school we solved our problems the good old fashion way._

_Makes no sense I sent my kids here because this was suppose to be a good clean safe school we moved here after we got custody changed our whole lives started over at 52 years old just so the kids could be safe._

_It's the damn law makers fault ! These bastards think gun control is a joke sell more guns and you get more profits who cares about the innocent people who die!_

_I send my kids to school so they can learn so they can get into good collages and get decent jobs so they don't have to struggle the way I did I always told my kids stay away from drugs and drinking don't have sex I didn't think I would have to worry about them going to school!_

A women in her early 40's was ranting as she paced back and forth angry, she was making me restless that scream kept echoing in my head I was convinced it was Carly I knew the layout of the school we were by the library. I had to get in somehow I had to find her.

Shivering from fear from cold I try to ask anyone for help but no one knows their all too scared. I hear the reporters yelling into their camera's .

_Shots fired at Ridgeway High Police are urging everyone to stay away from this area_

_A city wide call has been issued for all available units to come to Ridgeway immediately !_

_Bomb Squads are on the scene were being told that it's been confirmed that at least six students are declared dead..._

_Shooters are still on the..Wait! Wait! _

_We are being told they are bringing out one of the shooters now..._

Bastard let me at them! I want to strangle him or her for doing this I can't imagine the fear Carly, Sam and Freddie have in their heads right now..I just want to hold them make it be okay..I just want to kiss their foreheads and keep them safe ..I want so many things but most of all I want to look the bastard in the eyes who did this and ask them..

WHY!

_I can only imagine what it will be like  
>When I walk by your side<br>I can only imagine what my eyes will see  
>When your face is before me<br>I can only imagine  
>I can only imagine <em>

Lyrics by Mercy Me


	10. Chapter 10 Birthday

**ikilled iCarly **

**Birthday **

**Carly's p o v**

_Sam!_

_No oh my God Sam!_

_Get away From her!_

_Please I need to _

_I said get away or I swear I will shoot!_

My face was flushed as hot tears streamed down my face Sam was laying in a heap on top of me her tiny body a twisted mess blood was pouring out of her chest. I could feel her struggling to breathe her eyes were closed I could feel the blood pouring on me as it leaked from her body I heard her moan. My hear was racing as I thought about my precious Sam losing so much blood.

_I said get up!_

Before I knew what was happening I was yanked up and thrown up against a stand hard I squealed my eyes went right over to Sam her body was a mess on the floor her legs twisted her neck slammed against the floor her face turned to the left blood poured out from her chest which was slowly rising and falling but I could see that every breath was painful. My stomach felt ill she was dying. I knew it and there was nothing I could do while I was being held hostage by this crazy lunatic. I felt dizzy as I gripped the wall. The shooter was pointing it at me as he or she was ranting my head was so clouded with the imagine of Sam laying there bleeding moaning in pain... I couldn't tell who it was did I know this person? I had to I went to school with them right? They were ranting..

_No this wasn't suppose to be it wasn't suppose to be like this!_

_Damn it Sam wasn't suppose to be shot!_

Sam wasn't part of the plan so who was the victim suppose to be? Wait..Sam threw herself in the line of fire to protect me? I was suppose to be the one that was shot? My knees started to go weak as I felt myself sinking …

_Damn you gays!_

_You did this you caused this!_

The gun was pointed at me as I swallowed ..

_Do you believe? _

_Wh..a..a..tt?_

_Do you believe that god loves you?_

This was how that girl died wasn't it?

What should I say? If I said yes would I be shot? If I said no would I burn in hell?

I looked at Sam she didn't have much time blood was soaking through the tile making it shine bright red her face was getting pale and she was motionless. She needed me bad I needed to get out of here.

I looked up at the ceiling swallowing ..

_Yes I believe god loves me for who I am no matter what my sexuality is.._

_Well I hope you are right.._

I saw the gun pointed at me again I closed my eyes...

This wasn't how it was suppose to be... Today was Sam's Birthday she was almost 17 a few hours from now she would be one year closer to being 18 and we could get married. I was planning a surprise for Sam after School Spencer was helping me so was Freddie he was suppose to take her out for a smoothie and try not to kill each other in the process. While Spencer and I set up it was going to be smaller this time just us with Spaghetti Taco's tons of presents and dancing . After wards when everyone was gone I was planning on giving Sam a private birthday present ..I had been working on it for months it was a diamond ring with a gold band that reflected the gay pride colors. There was a message inside the band …

_Immature love says, "I love you because I need you."_

_Mature love says, "I need you because I love you"_

_The older we grow the more I know I am who I am because of your unending love_

_I love you, not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. _

_Happy 17th Birthday My Love.._

I was planning on making love to her tonight to show her just how much she means to me..I had so many plans for her Birthday ...but now we might not live long enough to celebrate it.

_BAM!_

The gun fire ran out as I took a deep breath fully expecting to drop darkness enclosed me my knees gave out I felt like I was falling..Someone screamed my name I think ...I felt nothing ..breathing heavy I looked around Darkness was still around what the hell?

I felt my way around what had happened? There was a lot of loud voices but I only cared about one person.

_Sam.._

I whispered slowly trying to crawl my way over to her ..it was painstaking tears were clogging my eyes my throat...I stumbled I felt her quickly. I felt for her wound and ripped my shirt off which was not easy in pitch blackness holding it over her wound I pressed hard.

_Carly Lets Go now!_

_Freddie?_

_Come on we need to leave!_

_The shooters down someone knocked them out_

_Sam's hurt I need to.._

_Leave her we can't carry her and get out ourselves!_

_NO! I won't leave Sam!_

_She's dead Carls we aren't!_

_NO!_

_You leave I won't leave her!_

Kids were screaming and I could hear them fleeing as they threw things out of their way I wasn't leaving her to die not ever...Shots rang out someone else was shooting closer..I struggled to lift her she was heavier then I expected. I could feel my legs giving out I grunted as I tried to pull her a pair of arms wrapped under mine someone grabbed Sam's legs and we started to go out we stumbled and almost fell as we listened trying to feel our way out.

The School was a wreck the halls littered with books papers book bags blood was splattered all over the walls and floors making walking slippery making it look like a war zone. I didn't look up from Sam's face to see who was helping me all I saw was Sam getting paler and weaker every second.

We found our way outside and into a real war zone. Parents of kids who were caught up in this mess teachers who were trying to help law officers reunite kids and parents and get inside. I saw kids jumping from the windows screaming as they landed I heard the splats as their delicate bodies hit hard concrete. I winced as we slammed through the doors trying to find a clear spot to lay her down I started screaming for help but no one came over.

_I'll get help!_

_Stay with her try to stop the bleeding!_

I didn't look up or respond I just held my hands over her wounds. Nothing seemed to work she was still bleeding blood was spilling through my hands covering the sidewalk she was gasping and shivering I needed something to cover her up with but I couldn't find anything my shirt was soaked and she needed more pressure. It was a madhouse everyone rushing around no one would stop to help I started screaming and couldn't stop till help arrived.

**Spencer's p o v**

No Way there was no way this kid could not be the one responsible for this massacre. Anger boiled in every part of me . We should be celebrating Sam's Birthday eating Birthday cake and singing sappy songs not standing in a school yard wondering if Sam Carly and Freddie were even alive.

_Spencer!_

My head turned sharply hearing my name as I saw him run towards me ..

_It's Carly hurry up !_

I took off and followed who's ever voice it was calling to me. As soon as she came into view I felt like I was going to faint Carly was sitting up she was breathing and she seemed okay...it was a epic high then came the crash as I spotted Sam laying on the muddy ground bleeding from her chest. Carly was trying to apply pressure but it wasn't working.

Tearing my shirt off I grabbed Sam's and ripped it open quickly I pressed down hard causing her to moan. Lifting her tiny body up I helped to clear the airways and pound on her back blood spilled from her mouth.

_What's going on Spencer? _

_Carly calm down I need you to focus _

_Sam's lungs are filing with blood and _

_She's suffocating we need to get her help fast ._

She was paler then I had ever seen anyone before a faint blue was starting to move over her lips . Her chest was falling and rising but, slow painful each breath was getting harder to take.

Carly was stroking her hair and talking softly to her crying openly as she prayed Sam would be okay I kept trying to reassure her but the longer it took to get a tourniquet on her wound the more pale she became and the more I became afraid.

All around us kids were dying and crying from fear pain and desperation a boy about 15 was laying only a few feet away from us his leg blown off by a bullet round blood had soaked through his chest wasn't moving he had a white tag on his toe. His eyes were wide open pupils fixed and dilated. A few inches from him was a girl about 17 who had jumped from the window she was sitting up screaming from pain holding her leg which was twisted I could see a bone sticking out. Blood was running down her arm her whole body was scratched up and bloody.

Another kid about 16 was burned so bad I couldn't tell if it was a boy or girl..I swallowed as I saw a young girl around Sam's age her head was blown open she was across from us.

_We can't wait let's go I'm taking Sam myself !_

_What how?_

_I'll carry her if I have to lets go!_

I picked Sam up she was so light it was scary Carly was clinging to her hand as I started to run towards the hospital ..

My legs were on fire as I pumped blood was running down my chest , arms and legs she was slipping faster and faster her breathing becoming more labored all I cared about as I dodged traffic ran through busy intersections was getting Sam help in time.

The closet Trauma Center was ten blocks away and every block felt like I was getting further and further. Carly was keeping up still holding her hand .

Nothing was going to pry her hand away from Sam's.

_I need help Somebody please My girlfriends been shot!_

_Somebody please help she's dying!_

Carly was screaming as we rushed into the ER of Seattle Grace Trauma Center.

The whole place was packed kids waiting on stretchers in the halls parents were filling every waiting room. Some were crying others yelling to be informed on their kids conditions many languages were being spoken people were rushing around beds being transported as monitors were going off making shrill alarm sounds.

_**HELP! ME! FOR GOD SAKES SOMEBODY HELP US!**_

_**DON'T IGNORE US! **_

_CARLY calm down before your asthma starts up_

_I'm fine Spencer it's Sam she needs help!_

No one seemed to pay any attention which enraged Carly the next doctor that came past she grabbed his arm and yanked him to her face...he was young looking I guessed his mid 20's 3rd year residency 

.

_Listen to me! Jerkface my girlfriend is hurt she's bleeding she needs help_

_You will get off your arrogant ass and help her!_

_Don't say a word just get a Stretcher and help her Damnit!_

He was speechless as he tried to recover his vocal skills.

_Page Dr. Bailey we need help!_

_GSW To the chest!_

_I need a stretcher now! _

He took Sam from me she didn't moan or move she just lay there so limp and motionless. The Doctor swept her inside the Trauma room 3 soon the whole room was filled with RN's LPN"S Doctors Physician Assistants..

_Stage Four Hypovolemia _

_Page Respiratory Stat!_

_We need Xray down here Now!_

_I want a full CBC ,BMP ,MRI , CAT SCAN , __U+Es/Chem7, FBC, Glucose, Cross-match _

_Dr. __Karev_ _give me a CV Line ABG we need to get fluids in her _

_Get these clothes off of her now! _

I grabbed Carly as the room started to fill with more personal..they were cutting her jeans off ripping her undergarments..

_What's her BP?_

_Get the lab on the phone were going to need at least 10 units of _

_OB Negative Blood _

_And 3 units of Plasma _

_I need a track of her __urinary__ output_

_Dr. Bailey she's lost over 40% of her blood we need to get her into Surgery now_

_Hypotension__ with Extreme Tachycardia _

_Her BP's Dropping!_

_Get a Crash Cart in here! Were losing her We need Respiratory in here!_

_Sir, Ma'am we need you to get out please..._

_No I won't leave her Sam I'm right here baby I'm right here..._

Two Doctors Grabbed us and shoved us out they were trying to be gentle but how do you gently tell a 16 year old girl who's watching their best friend die that they need to leave when she's afraid she'll never see her again.

I tried to grab her and hold her to calm her down but nothing was working she was inconsolable. They lead us into a private waiting room. I held Carly against me she was shaking she was pale her eyes red and swollen from all her crying. She was caked in blood head to toe her hair was a complete mess. Helping her to sit down I grabbed a blanket from the pile sitting there and wrapped it over her shoulders she should be checked out I knew it but I knew she would never leave.

Sighing I felt my strength wearing down as I sat down next to her wrapping my arm around her she curled around me laying her head on my chest.

Looking around I took in all the sights screaming kids panicking adults rushing medical personal, blood loss so severe housekeeping could never wipe it all up before the next pt was brought in cops pacing the halls monitoring the hospital. I never thought we would be spending a day that should be full of happiness laughter and jokes as we counted down to Sam's Birthday in a hospital ER waiting to see if she would live long enough to be 17.


	11. Chapter 11 Carly

**iKilled iCarly**

**Spencers's p o v**

**Carly**

_Hey Kiddo can you do me a favor?_

She didn't answer me I stroked her hair as she stared out in space. I glanced at the two doctors who glanced at each other.

_Mr. Shay? _

_Yes ?_

_I'm Dr. Meredith Grey_

_I'm Dr. Lexi Grey _

_We just wanted to say we are so sorry for what you went through and were here to help with what ever you need._

_We promise your friend is in the best hands possible _

_We need to get some information from you so we can help her.._

_Do you think your up to do that?_

_I can tell she means a lot to you …_

As the one Doctor Meredith was asking her questions her sister Lexi was shining a light into Carly's eyes and checking her out. She clung closer to me, I ran my hand over her bare back .

Meredith called me out to the hall as Lexi talked to her.

_Your sister looks fine I see a slight concussion but nothing to worry about_

_No visible injuries I would advise watching her very closely over the next few days._

_I am extremely worried about her mental status she suffered serve emotional distress and trauma in _

_That building while she may bounce back it's rare that kids who go through this type of Crisis come out With out some kind Physiological issue. I would recommended therapy. Of course it's entirely up to you sir._

_Thank you I will do what ever is best for Carly.. _

_Can you set me up with some names? _

_Yes of course we will be happy to do that._

_Can you tell me about Sam?_

_How is she? Can you find out please?_

_Yes I will check on her and bring back some scrubs for you and Carly.._

_Thanks..Dr. Grey_

Going back to Carly I found her laying down on the sofa Lexi had helped her to wash up and change into scrubs both of us were shocked.

Lexi squeezed my arm as she went out swallowing I felt myself start to cool down a million thoughts were filling my head as I went to sit by Carly who was clutching something. I ran my hands over her body as I talked to her.

_Carly I know I couldn't protect you before But _

_I swear I will never let anyone hurt you ever again_

_Please talk to me Kiddo I really want to know what's on your mind_

_I saw her Spencer I saw her get shot she got shot protecting me!_

_It's my fault!_

_No Carly NO it's not your fault!_

**Carly's p o v**

I saw my brothers eyes go wide as he grabbed me pulling me up to him he held me and made me look him right in his eyes. I started to tremble again as he pulled me close and rocked me.

I started to cry like crazy as he wrapped his arms around me kissing my head muttering my name over and over.

All I could see in my head was Sam laying in her own blood twitching in pain moaning..

_I'm so scared Spencer what if she doesn't make it? _

_I can't lose her Spencer she's my whole world I love her_

_I know kiddo I know we won't lose her I promise we won't_

_You can't promise that Spence no one can no one except God_

_And he's not hearing me _

_Don't say that Carly he hears us he just can't always answer us when were ready to hear it.._

_Sam will be okay she's Sam for God sakes No one can bring down _

_The great Princess Puckett! _

He made me laugh as he imitated her rubbing my back. I sat up looking at him I was so lucky to have him he was a great brother as crazy as he was he was always there for me what other Brother would carry my bleeding best friend ten blocks to get medical help?

I laid against him as he took my hand and lifted it up opening it so he could see the picture I was holding, it was from last summer when we went to Jamaica and we zip lined Sam had to literally carry me up. I was scared enough to piss myself. She was so right though it was a blast the pic was great right after we had gotten down our hair was blowing all over our faces were bright red from the wind and our laughter Sam's arm was around my shoulders and Freddie's.

Time passed like sands through a hour glass I saw people come and go who were here after us. Spencer was awesome getting me whatever I needed but what I really needed was Sam's arms around me.

_Carly Shay or Spencer Shay?_

We shot up looking as Dr. Bailey came in with two more doctors the one I almost killed earlier I couldn't remember his name. There was another women as well with them.

_I'm Spencer I'm Sam's legal Medical guardian_

_I'm Dr. Miranda Bailey these are my Collages _

_Dr. __Alex Karev And Dr. April Kepner we were in on the OR Surgical team that operated on Sam_

_How is she? She's okay right doctors? _

_Carly calm down Kiddo let them talk_

_Sorry Spencer.._

_Well we won't sugar coat it Sam's condition is very serious_

_When she was Brought in she was in Shock __ suffering from severe Hypovolemia_

_Which is Blood Loss she lost more the her body could handle which caused her to go into Extreme Tachycardia .._

_Excuse me I'm sorry but I have no idea what you are talking about _

_Sorry Sam suffered too much blood loss and her heart gave out we had to shock her to get her back to life..which we were able to do but her heart suffered a lot of damage the bullet caused her chest to __collapse and her lungs filled with blood. When it entered it nicked the __aorta_

_and the Vena Cava__ we took her to the OR and were able to preform a M__edian Sternotomy which is a incision down the middle of the chest __but I'm afraid she lost too much blood..Sam suffered a major heart attack.. _

My legs felt weak again I felt cold and sick what were they trying to say? Spencer held my arm as I leaned against him..

_We Did everything we could but Sam suffered too much Damage to her heart .._

My head was swimming with too much information I gripped Spencer's arm he looked about ready to pass out ..I swallowed I knew I had to be strong.

_So what are you saying? Is Sam is she.._

_She's alive Carly for now but her heart is weakened and without treatment she won't last much longer_

_Treatment? wh..a..a...t..t kind of Tre.._

_What are you going to do for our sister Doctor Bailey I believe is what Carly is trying to say._

_Sam needs a heart transplant without one I'm afraid she won't last more then two days.._

My mind was numb as Spencer took my hand and lead me to the recovery unit where Sam was being held. We were given instructions but I was lost in my own world I didn't recall what they even were.

All I wanted was to get in there and hold her hand and tell her that I love her.

I wasn't prepared for what I saw Sam was laying there and she looked so small smaller then I can ever remember her looking and she's always been the shortest of us a fact we teased her on. This time it was too small she looked fragile and Sam Puckett Doesn't do Fragile ..her face was white as a sheet her lips and finger nails still holding a blueish tint . She was hooked to Iv lines in her arms, hands, a chest tube was in place .. the RN started to explain to us what everything was as she pointed..

_This is her feeding tube or NG we call it TPN Total Parental Nutation _

_This is called a PICC Line Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter _

_This machine is known as a Extracorporeal membrane oxygenation ECMO it's taken over the work of her heart and lungs until a donor can be found Sam can't breathe on her own so she needs this to stay alive._

I couldn't hear any more all I could see was Sam laying there looking so pale and helpless and all I wanted to do was hold her and kiss her thank God Spencer sensed this and started hitting on the RN to get her out of my way so I could sit by Sam and take her hand. I stared talking to her promising her she was going to be okay she had to be ..I couldn't lose my partner..for as long as I could remember it had been Me,Freddie and Sam..

Freddie was missing he could be dead for all I knew..that thought made me start to break...and Sam was somewhere between life and death .. how could this happen how could it go from me..Sam and the nub to just me?

Me? Carly Shay I was just your average teenage girl how did I survive with barely any battle wounds and my friends didn't?

I wanted to scream I wanted to cry I wanted to break something like that selfish idiot of a kid who thought he or she could solve all their problems by taking a gun to school and shooting innocent people.

A RN kicked me out so they could check Sam's vitals I watched the EKG machine for a few minutes before I went back to the waiting room.

As I was passing the ER I heard a commotion parents screaming..

_That's the bastard! Ya outta string him up and shot him he shot our kids!_

My feet changed directions and my heart quickened it's pace fists clenched I had to confront the arrogant self absorbed murdering pysco ..

Looking up at the eyes I felt my feet grow numb in my mind was one thing but standing in front of the Killer's face was another thing all it's own before I knew it my knees gave out and I heard people screaming my name...

_Carly ! _

_Carly Shay!_


	12. Chapter 12 Ham

**ikilled iCarly**

**Ham**

**Sam's p o v**

_"For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return__. _Leonardo da Vinci

Beep..Beep..Beep...What was that noise? Damn it was annoying somebody make it stop please. Didn't they know I had a huge headache . Why was it so dark in here? Not to mention cold as heck. This felt different then normal I am a expert at sleeping I do it all the time. Why did this feel so different?

Everything was so fuzzy so cold where was I? Damn it .. Carly Where was Carly? I needed to see my cupcake.

Something was pulling me back and as hard as I fought against whatever it was it did no good my body felt paralyzed trapped and held down by a invisible force field.

_Sam ..Sam wake up..._

_Sam sweetie..._

_Come on open your eyes..._

_It's Dr. Lexi_

Doctor? Why was a doctor telling me to wake up damn didn't they know how much I loved my sleep?

Stupid idiots just let me rest. Damn didn't they know how much work it took to be awake? Too much if you ask me that's why I love to sleep it didn't take any energy to lay there with closed eyes . Darkness seemed to be enclosing on me again my head was growing fuzzy but I couldn't go to sleep just yet I still had to find Carly. I just felt like she needed me .Where was she? She never left me alone so where was she? Why wasn't she lecturing me on the importance of school and staying awake. I missed that I would never let on but it was kind of cool that she cared about me enough to take the time to do that no one else ever has.

Spencer's voice was calling to me but I was just so tired why wouldn't everyone just let me sleep? My body felt heavy like it was being weighed down nothing seemed to take that feeling away. Finally I mange to open my eyes taking a deep breath I get the courage to look around. Where am I? Where's mom? Where's Carly and that nubby kid who clings to Carly everyday what's his name? Nedley? Seddie? Creddie? Debbie? Uh who knows but where was he? It was dark and cold wherever I was and I wasn't liking it at all. This didn't look like my street..slowly I got up my legs felt light not like they usually do when I wake from a deep sleep. Strange but hey I wasn't knocking it, I started calling out wondering where Carly was? I missed her so bad I needed to feel her arms around me ..I was starting to panic She never left me..my voice grew frantic as I started to run the streets which felt soft I breezed through easily it was dark and quite unlike my streets at home. Which made me ask myself again where the heck was I? My feet should be hurting I hated running even though I was use to running from the cops..the scenery changed it wasn't so dark now but everything was going by so fast it was like I had the speed of a cheetah. I didn't even feel winded Wow I loved this I pumped my fist as I danced around everything was so light here a little thump and I was air born. A wind cut through as I took flight...Wait what the heck? I stated to spin what was on my back? A bug? Oh god get it off NOW Sam Puckett does not do bugs!

_Mommy!_

_Mommy!_

_Stop Mommy it's okay.._

A little girls voice broke through she was giggling her laugh was soft totally girly she stopped me dead in my tracks as she stared at me her Honey Brown eyes staring into mine so intently it was eerie..her soft curly dark brown hair fell to her shoulders ..the little girl couldn't be any older then 7 who was she?

She looked so familiar...

_Mommy take my hand.._

_Mommy? Who's your mommy sweetie? _

_Where is she?_

I stared at her as I slowly turned to look around no one was around..I was confused she giggled..

_I know this game Mommy I'm seven now _

_I'm not a little girl anymore you can't trick me_

_Trick you what do you mean?_

_We play this game all the time Mom_

She sounded like a teenager who's exasperated at her parents she even rolled her eyes cute kid I grinned . She placed a closed fist on her hip tapping her foot..

_You Pretend I was from a different planet and that I ran away and came here_

_You tell me I wasn't your kid cause I'm too sweet and too Pretty so you make me search all over _

_You always sneak up on me and scare me after you eat all my bacon and Canadian Ham _

_Bad Mommy!_

She giggled waving her pudgy fingers at me as I stared at her beyond confused.

_Then you tickle me till I almost cry and you tell me to go find my real Mommy_

_You take my hand and we search high and low until Mommy finds us and covers me in hugs and kisses and scolds you at night._

_Who What? _

_I'm scolded?_

_Yes Mommy don't pretend I don't know Mommy I hear you moaning as she spanks your butt for being a bad girl I know you tell me not to listen but the walls are thin mommy it's okay though Mom I know even grownups get punished to._

_We do?_

_Huh?_

_Mommy stop or Mommy will get mad she's having a bad day_

_Huh? I'm so lost right now_

_That's nothing new Mommy no worries I know what will help _

_What's that?_

_Take my hand mommy I will show you_

Her hands were soft like baby lotion smooth and unwrinkled she smelled pretty good like strawberries and coconuts. She lead me through a door of golden rings it chimed when we entered I looked around it was so bright so blue, so white all around us were people young people like me they glided on what seemed to be air ..everyone smiled at me and waved ...kids played on their hands and knees their laughter shrieked in the air ..the whole place had a peaceful vibe no hate , no fear, no tears..where was I?

We passed through another entrance my eyes went wide..Ham upon Ham it was like a room of pure heaven. I ran and threw myself through the air landing on top of the ham stack as I rolled around in it squealing all mine! All mine no one was taking this from me!

I could smell it on me taste the sweet salty juicy flavor. I loved it..looking around to make sure no one was watching I bite into as many as I could at one time the salt made my mouth water and the juice made it happy and wet as I started to devour them two at a time four , five...

A few hundred later I looked around she sat down on a big white pillow playing with some kind of watery substance that was like glass it shined and sparkled as she picked it up and dropped it and it bounced. She didn't giggle this time... I didn't know what to say at first but I felt something for this kid something strong and so fierce like I would do anything for her . Swallowing I wiped my mouth with my hand..

_Don't do that Mommy doesn't like that_

_Shh our secret_

Her eyes went big

_Mommy there are no secrets here..._

_He knows everything we do and say..._

_Who?_

_Where am I ?_

_What are you looking at?_

_Mommy .._

_Yea I get it you think I'm your mom_

_No..I mean you are My Mom_

_But I'm looking at Mommy your wife silly.._

_My What?_

_Huh?_

_I'm only 16 I can't be married.._

_Not yet Mom but you will be one day..if you chose right..._

_Huh?_

_See this..._

She threw down the watery substance and it rippled against the white pillow...

Imagines appeared fire smoke dust ..then she was there my cupcake looking so lost and alone she was kneeling ..where was she? It was hard to see but there was a lot of gold and light bright lights flickering lights...I head her voice she sounded scared desperate Carly was never scared or desperate she always controlled things.

_Who's she talking to?_

_Our Father of course.._

_Huh? If your my kid and I'm your mommy we can't have the same father_

_My dad left years ago .._

She rolled her eyes..

_Not our earthly Fathers.._

_Huh? ?_

_Shh we never say his name here …_

_Who what where why how? Wt.._

_Mommy!_

_Let me explain maybe you need to listen to Mom and get more rest _

_We all have the same father Mommy his name is God_

_And he loves us all_

_We are in his kingdom and we answer to him_

_Huh excuse me I answer to no one expect me.._

_No mommy behave .._

_Mommy is praying to god.._

_Why is she praying?_

She threw more water type gel down and I gasped I saw me laying in a bed...hooked to machines and wires …

_You were hurt mommy and you might not make it and that is making Mommy really scared so she's asking for help.._

_I was..wh...hu..._

_How? Was I …_

_You were shot Mommy when some bad kids came into school and hurt a lot of kids_

_You tackled the gunman and saved Mommy your a hero Mommy!_

She threw her arms around me and hugged me she felt just like Cary when we were younger..

_So what..._

_Am I ..I mean.._

_Your not dead yet mom you have time but you need to change and make different choices _

_Please mommy for me...I promise if you do I will be the best little girl you and mommy ever had_

_But you need to live long enough to have me..._

I was in shock what the heck? I had the feeling she was the best little girl I could ask for but I was too shocked to speak.

I stared at her open mouthed as I watched the doctors and Rn's trying to save my life they were frantic calling out orders and grabbing instruments machines it was a scene out of a horror move expect it was real life..my life which was maybe about to end...I looked at the scene in disbelief so much blood so much pain so pointless , so senseless so innocent. Carly's face filled my mind I couldn't leave could I? she needed me everyone always thought that she as the strong one the sensible one the one who's future was set. People didn't understand though that even though Carls was strong on the outside inside she could crumble very easily no one saw much Carly hurt inside she was left devastated by her mom's passing and she never really got over that. Sure she put on a smile and laughed and appeared fine on the inside there was a part of her that was left sacred and angry over her passing she didn't like to worry Spencer or cause her Grandad to think she was better off in Yakima so she kept it inside. I knew though cause she couldn't hide anything from me ever sure she tried but I knew my cupcake way to well. What would she do if I died?

Could I really leave this place though? There was no pain no sadness I was free to sleep all day to run without getting tired and there was so much food! It was so pretty to the air was soft and had a melody permanently attached to it. I closed my eyes and felt it take over my soul so free. Then I saw Carly again and heard her voice sounding so broken so helpless.

I swallowed and looked around ..

_What's your name Sweetie? _

I should know this shouldn't I? I mean she was my daughter in the future if my future planned out right.

I was blank as I stared at her memorizing her …

She smiled sweetly as she giggled her mother's sweet giggle...which made me smile

_I'm Cam silly you named me remember _

_Cam as in Cameron Faye Cosgrove Puckett Shay You said it would be a beautiful name because I was made out of love by you and mommy and it was a combination of both your names Carly and Sam..so you called me Cam and Mommy calls me Cami .._

_Cami..Cam..it does sound pretty..just like you baby girl..._

I touched her gorgeous locks as they cascaded down her back and kissed her soft checks I was feeling tired all of a sudden what was wrong with me? My chest felt tight everything was becoming dizzy …

_Cam..._

_Cam.._

I called out to her but everything was fading..fast...blackness enclosed me..

_Wake up Sam please wake up..._

_I need you Sami please wake..._

_Oh my god!_

I couldn't breathe what was wrong with me where was I? Why was everything so tight inside my chest? Why were the lights so bright? They blinded me giving me a instant headache. I tried to get up but pain overtook me I heard Carly yelling at me to calm down . I felt her hands pushing me as my chest felt lie it was being ripped open. My head and chest exploded in fiery waves as everything went black again. Carly's hands were cool against my face.

_Surrounded by your glory  
>What will my heart feel?<br>Will I dance for you Jesus,  
>Or in awe of you be still?<br>Will I stand in your presence,  
>Or to my knees will I fall?<br>Will I sing Hallelujah,  
>Will I be able to speak at all?<br>I can only imagine  
>I can only imagine<em>

_I can only imagine when that day comes  
>And I find myself standing in the Son<br>I can only imagine when all I will do  
>Is forever, forever worship you<br>I can only imagine  
>I can only imagine<em>

_Surrounded by your glory,  
>What will my heart feel?<br>Will I dance for you Jesus,  
>Or in awe of you be still?<br>Will I stand in your presence,  
>Or to my knees will I fall?<br>Will I sing Hallelujah,  
>Will I be able to speak at all?<br>I can only imagine, yeah  
>I can only imagine<br>I can only imagine, yeah, yeah, yeah_

_Surrounded by your glory,  
>What will my heart feel?<br>Will I dance for you Jesus,  
>Or in awe of you be still?<br>Will I stand in your presence,  
>Or to my knees will I fall?<br>Will I sing Hallelujah,  
>Will I be able to speak at all?<br>I can only imagine, yeah_

_I can only imagine, yeah, yeah  
>I can only imagine, Yeah<br>I can only imagine  
>I can only imagine, Ohh yeah<br>I can only imagine_

_I can only imagine when all I will do  
>is forever, forever worship you<br>I can only imagine_

Lyrics by Mercy Me


	13. Chapter 13 Sam

**ikilled icarly **

**Sam**

**Sam's p o v**

Sweat was beating down my face and neck as I struggled to get my breathing under control my chest was on fire. I was so dizzy why was I so dizzy? My throat felt like it was being ripped open what was happening to me? Carly's hands were on my shoulders which were burning up my whole body felt so heavy and hot. The world was spinning so fast and no matter what I did I couldn't tilt it back. My eyes burned as they were assaulted with brightness my arms flared as I tried to find whatever was obstructing me as a low moan escaped me .

_Sam!_

_Sam Stop please baby your going to hurt yourself_

_Sam Stop!_

_Help someone I need help in here!_

Pain was tearing through me as I gasped Carly was holding me down as my whole body shock ..Dizziness engulfed me again.

Be..e..p..B...e..e..p..B..e..e..p... What was this freaking noise? Somebody make it stop. I was beat I felt like I had been run over by a train. My throat was drier then the sierra desert my head felt like a thousand basketballs were being thrown against my skull. Brightness burned my eyes as they were slaughtered with the millions of dancing orbs being beamed into my line of vision. I couldn't move my head my legs and arms felt like they were being tied down by lead weights. My head was restrained by some collar type thing. My hands were tied to the bed what the hell? What bed was I in? I didn't recognize it.

Carly's voice brought me back to reality she was sitting by my side holding my left hand so tightly hers were almost chalk white running her fingers over mine she called my name softly over and over. When she saw my eyes open she flew out of her seat and threw her arms around me jumping up her voice changed from desperation to happiness.

_Oh my god Sam! Your awake!_

_Thank God!_

I laid there staring at her as she jumped up and kissed my forehead god I loved her so much did she even know that? I watched her unable to talk as she ran her hand over my face tears running down her stained face she looked so exhausted did I do this to her?

_Sam Sweetheart thank God!_

_I'm getting the doctor hold on baby thank god!_

I couldn't respond but she seemed to know I wanted to tell her something because she leaned down and kissed the edge of my mouth her lips tasted dry but so sweet. I closed my eyes saving it. What had happened to me why was I here? Everything was fuzzy and it made my head hurt to try to think too much.

_Stay calm Sam I will explain everything soon just let me get Dr. Lexi_

I trusted her I knew what she said would be true. My cupcake would never lie to me.

Breathe in Breathe out ..it was so easy such a simple act that we do everyday 18 breaths/minute average times 60 minutes in an hour times 24 hours in a day = 25,920. Some how though my heart couldn't handle it on it's own now how did I go from being a healthy normal teenage girl one minute to being on deaths door the other? It didn't make sense why did this happen? Was I being punished for all the times I did something wrong? My chest was still hurting even with the pain medication they had me on everything was still on fire. Carly was laying by me careful not to distribute the wires and machines her head was resting against my face. I could feel strings of her hair fall against my eyes but I didn't brush them off it tickled but made me feel alive. She was sleeping peacefully properly for the first time in hours or days. Come to think of it what day was it? I looked over at Spencer who was curled up in a arm chair sprawled out he had to be uncomfortable but I couldn't call to him. So I laid back and tried to remember what I couldn't seem to focus on I remembered the shootings I remember grabbing at the gun pushing Carly down ..I remember waking up in here..What I couldn't pinpoint was what had happened in between .. it was like flashes that came in my memory lights so many lights voices sounds a feeling of peace. I remember when I was laying on the ground in pain bleeding a white light was hoovering over me. Was it a angel? If so why was I spared if I was only to die later? Cause that was what was happening ..

I was dying at only 17..by a few hours at that .. I had lived to see my birthday but would this be my last? Looking around I tried to picture all the things we see everyday birds chirping their happy little songs..the wind blowing ..friends by our side ..the sun shining..all these things we take for-granted until someone tells you that you may not ever see them again and it hits you how self - fish we are as humans we don't mean to be but we are aren't we? We always think not us..this can't happen to me or my family. I didn't do anything wrong so it won't be me. I'm young I can't get sick or hurt...but you can ..I have all the time in the world right? Wrong you never know when your time is up. I didn't my classmates didn't..I felt so angry ...my classmates didn't do anything wrong and they died...why did this have to happen?

I turned on the news even though everyone was trying to protect me I needed to know...

_We Go now to downtown Seattle Washington Where Rob Hunter is standing by live outside Ridgeway High School where yesterdays Deadly shootings took place._

_Rob Are You there?_

_Yes Yes Cyndi Thanks Hello Everyone I'm here outside Ridgeway where as you can see it is still crazy .._

I stared in shock at the building we had called home for the last three years it was like a horror movie blood had splattered against everything the late afternoon sun was making it glimmer and shine yellow tape was hung all over police CSI teams were all over ...yellow tape was outlining spaces all over the yard where the bodies had been yesterday. Glass was blown out parts of the building were blown out..I closed my eyes I couldn't bare to see it anymore but his words kept flowing..

_Picture this it's a normal day for you your 16, 17 years old you get up chat with your parents or more typically roll out of bed and spend a frantic 10 minutes washing eating brushing and dressing before flying out the door maybe you kiss your parents goodbye or rough up your lil brother or sister..before you race off to school...Yesterday and Today, millions of kids will go to school. It is supposedly the safest place our kids can go. But not all of them always come back home. Generation Y has learned some very hard lessons, but school shootings are by far the harshest lesson we have all learned. The Students at Ridgeway learned this lessons all too painfully yesterday when three gunman entered the school the kids were all students here at Ridgeway and while the names have not yet been released we do know that these kids were victims of bullying for some time and it has been said to be the motivation behind what is now just four days short of the 11__th__ Anniversary of Columbine the Worst School Shooting on American Soil. It has been confirmed that 26 students were killed in yesterdays attack at least 12 more are missing and 16 more wounded. The students used homemade bombs as well as Semi Automatics in yesterdays assault._

_What can cause these young people to go off the deep end is Bullying that much of a problem for today's youth? _

_There are so many causes and so many factors that we don't know which ones to point to. Is it video games? Guns in the home? Lack of discipline? Who knows? _

I turned it off 26 students dead 26 kids who I went to school with who I saw everyday how the hell could this happen? Who were they? Should I turn it back on? No I couldn't handle it maybe they were right maybe it was too soon. I glanced over at Carly who was sleeping by me she looked so peaceful. I knew if I had to do it over all over again I wouldn't change a thing. She was my world my life my heart my breath my smile my love I would save her without a second thought. Carefully I wiggled my fingers out of the restrains as I ran my fingers over her hair which was stiff with dried blood and leftover hair product I closed my eyes as laid my head down by her. I was so weak so tired I just wanted to sleep but I was afraid I didn't want to die.

_Sam.._

I looked up at Spencer who was standing by me I couldn't speak so I communicated with my eyes he smiled as he touched my face. Carly stirred I rubbed her back to settle her.

_Do you need anything Sam?_

I shock my head as there was a knock on the door we both looked up as Carly opened her eyes she hugged me as she sat up ...Spencer called out.

_Who's there?_

Three police officers entered one was a detective dressed in a crisp black suit.

_Sam Puckett I'm officer Dan Wrapper these are my _

_Collages officer Cosgrove _

He pointed to a officer on his left

_And Detective McCurdy_

He motioned to the women in the middle all three nodded at me Carly woke up and held me tighter. As Spencer spoke.

_I don't mean to be rude but why are you here? Sam's in no condition to answer questions she's very sick I won't let anyone upset her._

_I'm Sorry Mr. Shay I know Miss. Puckett is very ill you have my sympathy_

Shove the sympathy and leave me alone I thought seething. Spencer was more tactful.

_We don't want Sympathy we want you people to do your job and catch these heartless animals.._

_That is what we are trying to do sir but we need Miss. Puckett's help she is believed to be linked to at least one of the shooters..._

Their lucky I couldn't speak I had so many things to say to them but I was tied down and gagged by this tube in my mouth. The soft hum of the ECMO Machine a constant reminder of how little time I had left and these idiots wanted to stand here and accuse me of being part of this sick twisted ..

_Excuse me Sam was shot there's no way she was a part of this Sam maybe a lot of things but she is no killer..Get your facts straight as..._

_Carly Stop! I know you are upset but don't disrespect a officer _

_Their trying to say she was behind this she saved my life she wasn't a part of this!_

_Ma'am you need to calm down I understand you are upset with a solid reason I may add but we have very little time to get these guys and we need all the help we can get Sam maybe able to answer some questions for us. Were not trying to say she is connected to the shooters were just trying to figure things out. _

_She can't talk …_

_She needs to rest.._

_We won't take long we can ask the questions and Sam can nod or write her answers down.._

Detective McCurdy grabbed a pen and paper Carly untied my left hand which was sore from being held down. Spencer untied my right I rubbed them together, feeling Carly hold me closer as she kissed my head. I felt safe in her arms loved protected I felt her strength seep through me. I looked at Spencer who left it up to me . I wanted to nail these idiots so I gave my Ok with a hand signal.

_Were going to show you something Miss. Puckett and hope you can shed some light onto it.._

They handed me a letter my hands shock even the effort to reach up and grab it sapped me of precious strength. I closed my eyes for a minute and gathered myself god I hated this!

Once I had gathered my self I stared at what was in my hands and saw it was a letter Carly was running her hands over my shoulder and face she gave me energy just looking at her.

I started reading..

_Sam_

_I hope that when you get this letter you are in the kind of pain that you made me feel everyday. I hope you cry your eyes out till they are red and bleeding I hope you are on your knees begging and praying for redemption . I hope with every pathetic muscle in me that your pain is so great and so consuming that you think of killing yourself everyday. _

_I know you would never do it the great Sam Puckett would never kill herself it would be a sign of weakness and giving up and Sam you never gave up ._

_I know because you never gave up making my life a pure torture a living breathing fiery hell that I could never escape no matter how many times I begged you pleaded with you to please stop that you were causing me emotional and physical pain EVERYDAY! You never gave up you only grew more cold and more bitchier as the years went on sure everyone laughed with you so you thought it was funny. _

_Well It wasn't SAM it hurt it hurt so damn bad..and you never cared did you? No why would you? _

_Carly will always make excuse for you she says it's just how you are that your Mom was no role model and that you just learned from her if she hit you it was okay to hit others well it isn't Sam and I don't care how badly your mommy beat you I know you knew the difference between right and wrong if anything being hit yourself you should know how it feels to be picked on so why would you do it to someone else someone who you called a friend? _

_You pushed and pushed and just kept pushing why Sam what did I ever do to you? NOTHING that's right I took it all and never hit back cause I was raised to know that hitting was wrong and to respect people no matter what they did to me._

_I watched you everyday I looked for some sort of kindness some sort of human emotion but your a empty void your the daughter of satin himself and you make me sick ..Carly is too damn good for you …_

_Yea that's right I know I know just how sick and demented you are sick freaking Dyke you corrupted Carly she is the sweetest most caring gorgeous girl in the world she has a heart of gold she is just perfect and you had to take her didn't you? _

_Damn you Sam you knew I loved her you knew that she was my one reason to live the only reason I smiled and laughed despite the pain I felt in my every waking second of life that you caused me Sam._

_Carly is the reason I laid awake at night dreaming of what we would be someday I knew she would see it one day how much I love her how perfect we would be together. She is the reason I studied hard so I __would be smart and get good grades get into a great school get a solid education get a great job so I could provide for us for our kids. _

_You killed that dream Sam!_

_You killed it by spreading that ugliness inside of you that sickness Carly properly thought she could cure you if she loved you hard enough but there is no cure for evil which is what you are Sam...pure evil.._

_How could anyone love you? Your own mother can't even stand to be anywhere near you..yet Melanie is perfect to her and your twins Sam think about it long and hard I hope it hits you hard right in the empty space where your diseased wrinkled up heart should be, she saw in you what I did a sick twisted unlovable dog..._

_That's enough she can't take anymore she's shaking please __officer_

Carly was holding me begging I felt so hot and so sick I started to feel like I was going to pass out.

_I need a doctor! _

_Help us Spencer get a doctor!_

_She's having a seizure! _

I could feel myself hear myself chocking and I couldn't stop it I could feel my whole body shaking so uncontrollably. I could feel Carly's arms strong wrapping around me holding me I heard the terror in her voice felt her tears sliding down as she screamed it felt so familiar where had I heard it before felt her pain it was like a dream. I knew I had heard her crying for me before I just didn't recall where. I wanted to make her stop she was all I cared about but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't control my body.

Spencer must of taken off.

My vision was getting cloudy I felt dizzier and dizzier, damn why couldn't I stop?

Carly make it stop I begged inside please make it stop...the chocking was killing me I couldn't stop it. 

_._


	14. Chapter 14 Jealous

**ikilled iCarly**

**Jealous **

**Carly p o v**

Sam was laying so still she was barely breathing if it wasn't for this machine she would be dead. After her seizure Sam had thrown up so much they had to give her anti nausea medication and iv fluids to rebuild her system. Spencer was sitting on the window sill he was there for me but trying to give me privacy, I knew he was worried about both of us. I saw it in his eyes they didn't leave Sam for long. I saw how much this was hurting him. I watched the Iv pole it had so many bags on it she was getting 3 units of blood ,plasma, potassium, sodium. I ran my fingers over her arm which had the needle stuck in her arm, she was swollen , bruised. I hated how they made her glued to the bed she should be free running and laughing not stuck in a hospital.

Tubes wore protruding outside her body two were in her groin area from the femoral arteries they lead to the ECMO Machine one was carrying her oxygen poor blood into the machine where it was oxygenated by a special membrane the other tube carried the blood back into her body to her oxygen starved system. Surprisingly it was very quite too quite it added to the tense feeling of life and death it was playing in Sam's life. Her eyes didn't flinch she didn't wake up, the soft hum and hiss of the machine was the only indication she was even still alive.

Spencer was red faced as he watched me his eyes red rimmed as he struggled not to cry. I saw his fists were clenched completely white.

I sat on her bed holding her hand praying she would wake up Sam's face was pale and gaunt reminding me of death mask stalk and white chillingly hallow. I touched her face and kissed it she was warm which scared me if she was running a fever it could mean she had antibodies in her blood or a infection either one could mean she wouldn't be able to get a transplant. No transplant meant …

It didn't take a genius or a math mathematician to put two and two together Sam wasn't moving hadn't been moving since she had her seizure the machines were beeping and humming. I felt cold and clammy as I held onto her tears running freely down my face. It was amazing how these simple plastic square apparatuses held her fragile life signs. One slide down and Sam's life could be over her blood pressure gleamed a bright green at me 90 over 56 it was lower then a hour ago when it was holding steady at 99 over 87.

The green lines kept dipping and skipping reminding me of a roller coaster that we had ridden last summer at Six flags it scared the Chiz out of me and I had grabbed onto Sam who had laughed. As I buried my face in her chest she had held me and kissed me while we sat on a bench I was shaking and almost throwing up but she had held me so lovingly and showered me with secret kisses that it made up for the horror of being propelled 365 ft in the air at 3 seconds before being skyrocketed into the air at a downwards spiral. Which had left my stomach at the top...pretty much like this machine was doing to me now when the lines were up my heart and my stomach was flying happy when they crashed down my heart stopped and squeezed so tight I thought it was going to squeeze itself to death. My stomach felt like it was going to come up. My head was pounding as my neck was hurting from bending over Sam so much . My hands were cramped as I held onto hers …

_Sam Baby you need to hold on and keep staying strong sweetie_

_Were all right here we all love you _

_Your my best friend Sam _

_I need you I can't do this without you _

_You can't die on me _

_Please Sam I need you to hear me_

Spencer was by my side his hand on my shoulder I moved past him my legs were shaky he held me and lead me over to the window sill even though she was in the ICU and visiting hours were usually short with the shootings the hospital was packed and over capacity so they let us stay with Sam. Thank god cause there was no way I was leaving.

I looked at the letter that was laying there what the police had shown Sam which is what caused her to hyperventilate.

What had she read that was so awful?

I couldn't believe the words coming form the paper..this person was sick blaming Sam for all their problems how could they! I was ready to kill who ever this was. Then I came upon the middle of the letter my heart froze...

_Carly you are all I ever wanted you are the most gorgeous sweetest sexiest girl I have ever met ..you have never even given me the time of the day. Why ? Because that bitch filled your sweet trusting brain with her sick evil ways. _

_I know you were and could never be like her you are the epitome of all that is good and right in this world. I love everything about you from your sweet lips that twist into the cutest smile I have ever seen to the way your eyes shine when you hear a good joke to the cute laugh to the curves of your sexy body I could sit and watch you move all day the way you swing your hips your cute little butt. I just wanted to have a chance to be the one who's arms you wrap around to be the one you kiss goodnight and whisper lyrics to a love song to. I dream every night that we will be married and have kids someday I want to be your first ...the first one you make love to the first one you say " I Love you" to the first one you trust with your heart and soul to. _

_It's been a dream for so long I don''t remember what it even feels like to live without it it's been my security blanket. Kind of like a baby holding onto a pacifier even though he's old enough to let go he just likes the comfort. _

_Sam killed that dream when she poisoned you with her lies and disease if your reading this_ _I bet your asking why I did this. If by some mistake your alive then you will have a lot of questions number one Why? Because I am sick of losing! Losing my dreams my heart my self worth my dignity my chances all to her. _

_She stole you from me it makes me sick to know that she gets to touch you the way I long to to kiss you to snuggle with you at night to keep you warm to be the one who you whisper your wildest dreams to. _

_That is why I am doing this because I am sick of losing and I WILL NOT LOSE ANYMORE!_

_I know I will never be happy having to live watching her put her hands all over your sexy body having to listen to her lips kiss your gorgeous soft lips. So I'm taking control back , everyday of my life has been one of daily pain at her hands. What's the point of living if I can't be with the one I love? _

_I could of just killed myself and yea I know you would of mourn but for how long until you forgot about me until she made you forget? _

_I know everybody will talk about me what's the difference between what they say now and what they will say? I'm a jealous, I'm insecure I'm a heartless Ba...d maybe I am but in the end who cares what I am cuz no one did when I was alive..Why start now so you can all pat yourselves on the back and say you did your part it wasn't your fault? Well Guess what too little too late..Carly You just don't understand the power you have over people. There's a reason iCarly was so damn popular it wasn't just cause it was a awesome show nah it was because of you. There's something special inside of you and it shines through in everything you do you have a presence that people would die to be around a sweetness that makes you unique. Sometimes I feel like I am going to go mad just from wishing and hoping that you would notice me but you never do I am always on the outside in a pool of my own jealous dreams. We always did things big on iCarly because you never wanted to settle for little changes when we could make big changes that's why this web-show was started so us little people could have a big voice make a big impact .. it's what made us so awesome so loved and so hated at the same time._

_Well why would I go and off myself softly when we lived our lives so big! I want to make a impact I want something to change for some poor kid out there like me who feels life is crap and that they are worthless. The way I feel everyday because of her! Sam your precious baby girl who was and is nothing but a bully a heartless thug who doesn't care about anybody expect herself ._

_That's why I have to save you Carls I know she will only hurt you in the end and I can't let that happen so I'm taking you with me. We can be together Forever...in heaven ..a place she'll never go to.._

_It's the perfect plan honey I get my wish and I let her stay alive living in pure hell like she left me in everyday she can stand at your grave and weep ..weep for lost dreams a shattered heart distorted visions of what could have been. She can live the rest of her life in jealous pain knowing in the end I won I got the girl..and she got chiz..._

I had to stop it was all too much how could this person be so jealous? How could they be so sick to think that I would be with them after they killed my best friend? I was burning in anger I was seething in pain. How could someone blame Sam for their screwed up mind she never went too far she always kept it clean ..she wasn't a bully...she has the kindest heart and the sweetest soul she was tough sure cuz she had to be she had a screwed up life her mom beat her she abused her verbally and physically she was scared to go home so she slept at my place. Every time her mom brought home a new boyfriend he used her as a rag doll what ever they wanted from her they took. She had shed so many tears over it with only me she was ashamed and she was hurt. She had to grow up being tough and that meant not taking anyone's chiz.

Sam my poor Sam all she did was find a way to survive and what did it get her? A bullet in her chest I was so angry I wanted to break his face..looking at her as she laid there struggling to breathe while Spencer held her hand his head down as he prayed I felt myself getting up and before I knew it I was out the door and on the way to his room. He was going to get a piece of my mind like it or not. 


	15. Chapter 15 TBA At The End

**ikilled iCarly **

**Suicide Letter**

**A/N the word used will appear at the end of this chapter so I don't give away the character writing the letter.**

_Mom _

_I'm So Sorry I know this is going to hurt you so much and I never meant to hurt you I love you I know we had our issues and I know you might have had some strange ways to show your love but I know it was genuine. _

_I could never tell you how unhappy my life was I'm sure you would have had some remedy for this some kind of magical potion but the truth was there is none the only person who could make me happy and she doesn't even give a damn she is so caught up in her own life in her own dreams .Carly was the only one I ever loved but she was with Sam and no matter how hard I tried Mom she just never gave me the time of day she broke my heart into tiny pieces that can never be put back together no matter how hard I cry, wish ,hope or dream._

_Cam they were the secret no one was ever suppose to know about the hidden dirty little secret they had this great love affair in their closed lives and they did such an amazing job at keeping it all hidden well almost they never expected me to find out they didn't even knew I know at least they never let on if they did but I did and it tore me apart it was like a knife to my already broken heart and every touch every smile was just the hand twisting that knife harder and deeper. I heard their little whispered I love you's I saw their secret smiles and flirtatious looks. _

_I tried to keep it up I tried to fake being happy but there just comes a time when you can't take no more_

_I can't forgive and I can't forget and I can't go on living knowing I can never have my dreams. They say never give up on your dreams well that's B.S sometimes dreams are just not meant to be. _

_Mom I know you always told me I was special I was smart I was cute I could be anything I wanted to be you always did your best Mom this is NOT your fault I am not and do not blame you and no Mom there was nothing that you could of done to prevent this there were no signs because I made sure there was none to be found. This wasn't spontaneous it was planned long and hard . _

_Maybe it was having no father around maybe that's why I have no self -esteem how could I believe in myself when I had no father to show me how to be a man? To My peers yea you can call me a coward hell you always do behind my back to my face why stop now don't let me dying silence you. _

_Maybe that's why Carly can never love me Sam was more of a man in her strength and talk then I ever was I am just a nerd and a geek a loser who could never find true love. I am sorry to all my classmates who are dweebs geeks and dorks like me cause without me without Carly Sam is going to be pissed and she will no doubt take it all out on you everyday will be a new fresh kind of hell in her creative twisted sick mind and she'll unleash her fury on you. _

_Sam maybe if you had focused more on getting educated you could of used that brilliant wicked mind for some good cause you had a brain you chose not to use it 99% of the time but it was there and its a __shame you had beauty and talent and brains and you used it to torment and abuse and hurt it's sick just like your mom I guess it's true mental illness run in families._

_To my classmates who knew my name who saw the abuse this is for you have your final laugh you heartless animals, to the animals I'm sorry for using your name in vain by comparing you with these vermons I call classmates. To my friends who called themselves my friends who stood by day after bloody day watching why I got called names and beat while I was torn down, thanks for nothing thanks for letting me live in a daily nightmare and never helping me never standing up for me. Great friends you all were. This is for you I am paying you back in kind._

_To God do you exist? I believe you do I believe you placed me here for a reason what that reason is well that's beyond me all I know is it was a cruel joke I know you never meant for it to be and I know you are calling me to your kingdom and that is why I am writing this note as part of your plans. _

_Mom I am leaving this world one I never fit into one I never found my place in we were a strange pair but I love you Mom for being yourself never let anyone tear you down you have so much strength so much beauty and so much love. Don't let your ungrateful son stop you form being who you are cause who you are is perfect to me. This is the hardest part for me saying goodbye to you and I can never do it face to face. I have prepared everything for you I have made the funeral arrangements it won't be big who wants to come to the funeral of a loser like me? No one..it's paid for I have the grave picked out ..you don't have to do anything please don't mourn for me I am unworthy of your love , tears sadness .._

_Sam don't bother shedding tears we both know when you said I hate you that you meant it and I don't want to be a reason to put your acting skills to a test. Go on with a clear conscience and dry eyes don't weep for me cause you sure as hell didn't in life. I ask you though to read these words carefully and know that while I am taking charge it is inspired and dedicated to you because you drove me to it you are the reason I am doing all of this!_

_I am human and I wish you had saw that before it came to this so many innocent people will die today people who never did anything wrong but it is because loads of other people were not innocent. People like Mr. Franklin sure everyone loved you we even helped you get your job back but face it you not only let Sam get away with her acts of cruelty you condoned it you never really punished her you laughed with her over my pain, you gave her props for her strength..you were her friend when she needed someone to discipline her. The administers who pride themselves on a friendly anti bullying school screw you cause none of you ever stepped foot inside my hell no one ever asked us how it really was you just made deals passed money signed papers and got rich while we were left to be the soldiers in the battlefield of hell aka High School. _

_Lets not forget all the ladies who made my life a living hell by using me yes you Valerie go screw yourself... _

_To those who I am taking with me no worries you will live again and see god he will keep you safe you will live forever in his glory. You can watch over your friends and family and see that they are safe and yes they miss and love you but they will go on cause face it as much as anybody is loved after they are gone life must go on it's just how it is the circle of life..we all live we all die.._

_Some of us get to live till we are old and gray others we die while we are young and in our glory days.._

_So let this be a lesson to everyone no one knows when life is going to end so live while we can cause __time is short and love is fleeting._

_To the kids like me don't do what I am doing it's not the answer I know how you feel alone and isolated scared and beaten like no one cares you can have the most amazing talent the best mind and no one knows cause they don't take the time to ask how your day is how you are feeling..they label you as a geek a nerd a nub a loser and that's all you ever were and are.. the only time they talk to you is when they can get a boast in their social ladder by tearing you down...Well hang in there high school won't last forever and someday you will be the ones on wall streets making the mutli millions while their struggling in dead end jobs saying you want fires with that? _

_Life can be sweet life can be beautiful and so rewarding once you can get past the pain and the ugly. I can't and I can never cause without Carly life is nothing and Sam has Carly and in reality Sam and Carly . Carly and Sam Cam well it has a nice ring...expect when your the one who is in love with one part of Cam and you just know that no matter how much you cry and wish and pray she will never love you._

_So I take with me in my final act the love of a desperate boy who just wanted a chance to grow up to be the man she deserved..._

_I am ready to soar I am ready to spread my wings and fly across the sky_

_With you by my side Dear Sweet Precious Carly Holding my hand we take flight_

_Mom please know that I never wanted to see you cry I never wanted to cause you pain_

_But it's my time I am ready to go I am ready to be free of this unending pain this suffering _

_Which no one knows how deep the depth of it goes_

_I close my eyes I wish it all away I take a breath and I open the doors I am ready_

_Blasting my way to heaven I see the glory of God's love when he opens his arms_

_Hand in hand we go on our way to heaven_

_God's children who he called home we are awaiting our new place of ever lasting love_

_But I look down on you with love Dear Mom _

_Please don't cry Don't mourn for the Son you lost _

_Cherish the memories you had and remember the love we shared_

_It was never in my plans to hurt you but sometimes life doesn't work out the way we planned_

_Hold my hand if you must but say good-bye for my time in this world is done_

_And when I am called home know I can rest assure I will never leave you for even though I am gone_

_I am never gone from your heart and from your memories _

_Dear Mom please forgive me please do not hate me understand that all I did was _

_With the deepest of love _

_I know your life will be so much easier without a son like me _

_I know Carly will be happy with me she'll see it may take time_

_Time we have for all eternity_

_I will make her love me when we enter God's garden_

_He takes our hands and we don't look back we are ready to soar we are ready_

_To fly across the sky we have earned our wings_

_Dear Mom _

_I love you _

_Remember always _

_Love Your Son_

_Freddie_

Remember? He expected me to just move on and go forward with my life? Like he was some kind of lost piece of jewelery? Was he really that far gone? My precious son my life my baby my Freddie my world.. laying there broken and attached to machines...his heart beat echoing in that tiny plastic box..

My world was shattered all because some little punks couldn't keep their hands to their selves I wanted to ring their necks I wanted to hurt them...I wanted to wash their diseased bacterial nastiness straight from their minds and hands but no cleaning supplies no wishing no hoping could undue the damage that had been done. To Freddie and to the kids Freddie and his friends had hurt...god how could my sweet baby boy do this kind of thing? Where did he even get a gun? How did he learn to shoot? I would never keep guns in the apartment. Why would he feel like he couldn't talk to me? We always had such a open honest relationship..

I didn't hear the squeak of the door or the soft high heals coming my way..I just opened my eyes to see her standing there...Carly the reason Why my Freddie was laying here..she looked lost and broken..I should hate her I should be ready to rip her pretty little head off just like I was when Freddie got hit by that Taco Truck but I couldn't ..How could I fault her for his actions his feelings? It wasn't on her she never did anything to encourage him in fact she did the opposite she couldn't help who she fell in love with and no matter how much it hurt my Freddie. I couldn't blame her she followed her heart even if it was to another girl people properly thought I was some kind of homophobic freak but I'm not I really truly believe love is love and if Sam makes her happy then I hope she makes it I hope she can give Carly what ever she needs and wants…

_Mrs. Benson .._

Her voice sounded strained and she looked drained her face was pale bloodshot eyes bags under her eyes..her hair was a mess her arms were wrapped around her chest I couldn't help but have my heart break a little more at the sight of Carly Shay who has always been so feisty and so strong on the verge of breaking. Her eyes held such sadness so many unanswered questions all which my son had caused.

She looked scared like she was afraid Freddie was going to leap out of the bed and start shooting..I wanted to rip her head off..how could she be afraid of my baby boy my poor Freddie when he was laying there so broken? The anger seethed inside of me I gripped the glass trying to calm myself down. Deep breaths Marisa calm down..

_Mrs. Benson _

_What!_

I slammed the glass apparently not knowing my own strength cause it shattered cutting me Carly covered her ears screaming as she fell to the ground. I looked at her angry prepared to rim her out for her over reacting silly antics when I stopped dead in my tracks she was curled up in a ball under the far side table face covered as she rocked...I couldn't make out what she was muttering it sounded like..

_BahBahBahBuckRamDo_

But I wasn't sure my heart dropped she wasn't fakingher next words broke my heart..

_Don't shoot please I'm too young to die Don't shoot_

_I believe I believe in god!_

Motherly instincts took over I found myself curled up besides her wrapping my arms around her she shivered as I touched her ….

_Don't hurt her please she needs help she's bleeding let her go take me_

_Carly calm down it's alright your free no one will hurt you not now not while I'm here_

_Carly shh relax I'm here just calm down _

_Sweetie Relax …_

She kept shivering and shaking as she held onto me

_Don't hurt me please don't shoot.._

Her spell lasted for at least 15 minutes till she finally was cried out and fell against me. I ran my hands through her hair, in many ways her and Sam were the daughters I never had even though they were both strange in their own ways and even though they pissed me off and made Freddie deal with so much baggage they were both good kids and sweet girls when you got to know them. I know Carly has some emotional issues from when her mom died. I could only wonder what this would do to her .

_Carly Sweetie_

_I'm Sorry Mrs. Benson I don't kn..._

_Shh Baby it's okay I understand are you okay do you need a doctor?_

She shock her head as I helped her up and took her hand which was still shaking she looked like she was in a daze and as soon as we stood she moaned her legs giving out she fell straight into my arms. Her eyes rolling in the back of head.

_What's happening to her?_

_She's in shock Ma'am _

_She went through a horrible trauma and she's been dealing with Sam's condition_

_She hasn't eaten in hours or slept her body's shutting down she needs to take care of herself_

_Were going to give her some IV fluids and tube feed her we just need to get Mr. Shay's permission_

_Could you stay with her while I get him? _

_Sure I'm not going any where_

Slowly her eyes opened she looked around I squeezed her hand which seemed to help her. Her head flopped back down as she groaned. I started to remember when Freddie was a baby and he would clench his little fist around my fingers and giggle my touch would calm him down much like it seemed to do for Carly who relaxed closing her eyes. She was pale and sweaty so I grabbed a wash cloth and wetting it as I placed it over her face.

Spencer came quickly his face full of worry and terror as he grabbed her hand she relaxed even further Spencer picked her up and held her causing her head o fall against his chest. Dr. Lexi came and started up a iv line and checked her over.

_I can't believe this happened_

_How did I miss the signs?_

_Freddie never seemed unhappy he always told me great stories about school and his plans_

_He talked about iCarly and how much he loved it I never saw any signs that he was unhappy_

_Where did I go wrong? I always tried my best!_

_I know I was protective was I too protective? _

_I mean I love him I just never wanted to take any chances_

I paced back and forth stopping at Freddie's bed touching his face he was still motionless just the steady rise and fall of his chest which was being pumped full by the Respirator his eyes were closed and the steady heart monitor was the only indication he was alive. He looked so peaceful like when he was a baby asleep in his crib.

_Did you know that when he was born he was premature I had him two months early_

_His lungs were underdeveloped and he got so many infections he was so sick and nothing seemed to help his tiny body they were so strict with sanitation but he still got sick he coded twice on me I was so scared I was going to lose him and I was by myself his dad had split it was just the two of us.. _

_It was just the two of us but he pulled through the first few years his immune system was shot I had to be so careful with germs so I just started cleaning everyday and I wouldn't stop I needed to know my baby was safe it was my job to protect him.._

_Did I over do it? Did I smother him?_

_Marisa Calm down you didn't cause this there was no way to know what he was going to do_

_We can't control our kids we can just love them something inside Freddie snapped he needed help but he just didn't know how to ask or maybe he didn't want to ask._

_I don't know none of us do all we can do now is move on and help the girls.._

The girls oh my god where was Sam?

_How's Sam Spencer? How long till she's released? _

His face became taunt as he cuddled Carly who remained motionless_ .._

_Spencer what's wrong? _

_Sam.._

_Sam's not going home..._

_Why what's wrong?_

_Sam's..._

His eyes clouded over as he took a minute he swallowed before clearing his throat..

_Sam's Dying..._

I was speechless just as Dr. Bailey came in Spencer nodded in understanding as he wheeled Carly's bed out.

I stood to face the doctor I already knew what she was going to say but some how I couldn't bare to hear the words..

_I'm so sorry Mrs. Benson But the test results are in_

_What's wrong with my baby boy?_

_When can I take Freddie home?_

_Mrs. Benson I'm so sorry _

_Don't be sorry just tell me how can I help my son?_

_Ma'am we need to talk to you _

_So talk already!_

_We preformed these test on your son _

_The apnea test it's conclusive Freddie is Brain dead we can show you the results _

_No , No I don't want to see your lies my son is not dead!_

_Ma'am your son was brought in with a GSW __to the base of his neck the bullet traveled to his brain Freddie died almost instantly.._

_NO! No!_

_My son is not dead he's not a killer!_

_Get out! _

_Ma'am we just need to talk to you time is precious _

_For who?You just said Freddie's dead what did you change your mind? Is he less dead now!_

_No Ma'am we need to talk to you about making something positive out of this horrible tragedy_

_Positive! Your telling me My son is dead!_

_Yes and we give you our deepest Sympathies but there are others , others who are seriously ill others who will die without.._

_Without what?_

_Ma'am your a RN you .._

Then it dawned on me ..

_GET Out! You will not cut my baby open to rip out his organs!_

_GET OUT! _

They hurried out as I fell on top of Freddie crying holding him no way was anybody going to tear my son's chest open and cut out his organs.


	16. Chapter 16 Mystery

**ikilled iCarly**

**Mystery**

**Carly's p o v**

Beautiful it's all I saw when I looked at her even as she lay there completely still breathing only through the aide of medical technology. Eyes closed she looked so Beautiful to me all I saw was my gorgeous girlfriend ..those words felt so right on my lips I loved tasting them.

Leaning my face close to her I kissed her check as Spencer yelled at me for the hundredth time to lay down. The Charge RN was really sweet by placing this cot in Sam's room for me while I recovered. I was hooked to IV's and a feeding tube. Spencer was freaked out and kept rushing over to make me lay down.

A knock on the door startled me as we looked up ..

_Gibby! Oh my gosh!_

He looked nervous as he sat in a wheelchair in the doorway with just baggy black pants on and a cast on his left arm his left side of his face was swollen. He was shirtless as always and his hair was shaved off a white bandage covered his head.

_Is this a bad time? I can come back if.._

_No way come in get over here oh my god thank god your safe!_

He wheeled himself over ..

_Of course I'm okay man I'm the Gibbster_

He held out his good arm to show off his body

_Thank god!_

I threw my arms around him as I held him starting to cry all over again..he held me rocking me. My whole body was shaking as he gently moved me into his lap Spencer helped with the Iv pole. God I was so sick of crying it seems that's all I did in the last day and a half was cry it was a mystery how the human body could hold so much water between my bladder and my eyes it seems that every part of me was constantly pouring out some kind of liquid substances. Gibby held me and rubbed my back …

_I was so scared Gibby _

_Sam was bleeding so bad and I couldn't stop it _

_I didn't know where we were going ..I was screaming for help and someone was yelling at me to leave her.._

_I couldn't leave her she's everything to me..._

_I was stumbling and some..o..n..e thank god someone helped me I .._

_Shh I know it was me Carls I was there...I was the one who helped you _

_Oh god you were hurt helping us?_

_Shh no I was hurt cause some freak couldn't handle being bullied so he took a gun and went crazy god when I get my hands on that freak I swear!_

I started crying harder he had no idea that the kid who did this was someone we called a friend..Freddie the thought of him laying in that bed destroyed me. I still couldn't believe he did this what drove him to go to that route? Did I push him too far? Was his love for me so deep that when I rejected him he felt he had no choice? Did he really feel life was worthless without me? Why didn't he just speak up? God if only I had known! Why did he live his life in mystery full of secrets and lies using this illusion that he was happy and everything was perfect? Why didn't he tell me Sam's teasing had gone too far? She would of stopped if I had asked her to I know it he knew it why didn't he just speak up!

The tears racked my whole body I felt Spencer's arms wrap around me as Gibby held me tighter.

Hours tickled by Sam's BP continued to fall Gibby held her Left hand as Spencer and I held her Right side. For awhile we said nothing..

Then the news came on Gibby muted it...

_How could this happen? Ridgeway has always been so safe..we don't have a drug problem we don't have a gang affiliation were just normal teenagers everyone gets bullied sure we get mad but we don't take a gun and shoot people!_

_Damn it! I just want to find the person...and...AH!_

_Who did this to Sam aren't you angry?_

_Carly!_

By now I had felt so many emotions in such a short period of time all I felt was drained tired sick...sick with fear that the one person I loved more then anybody besides my brother...My Beautiful Sam was going to die.

So many kids had died I watched the screen my eyes vaguely going over the names I had seen too many times in the last 24 hours..kids I saw in the hall everyday kids who had guested on iCarly kids I sat next to in class ate lunch with...kids I had known half my life...

Emily Emeralds Age 15 shot in the head in the library.

Billy Walters age 16 shot in the head execution style while having lunch on the grass with friends

Jake Krandle age 18 shot in the back while protecting his ex girlfriend Stephanie as they walked to class.

Benjy McLaughlin age 17 shot three times while helping other kids escape out a back entrance

Jonah Sam's ex boyfriend who was shot in the head while pushing his way out trying to save himself and shoving other kids in front of the kids with guns.

Mr. Franklin He was shot three times as he barricaded a room full of Freshman students protecting them from being shot. He refused to leave the school until every student and teacher was evacuated by the time he was brought into the ER he had bleed to death he could have been saved had he gotten help in time.

Mrs. Briggs She was shot trying to get out a window and fell 3 stories.

Valerie age 17 She was shot in the heart twice by Freddie...

Lexi age 16 She was shot in the legs and bleed to death before she could be evacuated .

Kathy Agorta age 17 she was shot in the back and the legs she tried to crawl to safety but she fell down the steps and was knocked out.

Tasha Anderson age 16 shot in the face she lost her eye and contracted a infection she passed away during surgery.

Terrene age 16 she was shot when she tried to talk to one of the gunman and convince them not to do this he shot her 5 times.

Wesley Hooks age 15 shot in the neck paralyzed he died before help could arrive unable to move or breathe he couldn't call for help or get up, he was buried under bricks and dirt from one of the bombs.

Shawn Hillard Age 16 Shot in the Brain for kicking Freddie out of the Mathematical club.

I couldn't think anymore it was too depressing I need something to distract me getting up I let out a sigh of frustration pulling my IV pole with me Spencer was by my side not wanting me to move but I had to. I just couldn't sit here any longer thinking about how many people had died .. thinking about my Sam laying here so helpless so sick. I felt a new wave of tears pooling behind my eyes.

Spencer looked so helpless I knew he wanted to do something to help me but what could he do?

Sam lay there looking so pale so motionless machines were the only thing keeping her going. I sat by her holding her hand as I talked to her remembering all the times we had pulled pranks and gotten into trouble. Remembering all the times we laid awake sharing secrets and plotting our futures ..I smiled as I remember and kissed her head and her checks I touched her face. I breathed in her scent as I tried anything to help bring her back to us to keep her fighting.

**Spencer**

They Say the key to being a man is to being able to make your women happy. Well I haven't had much success in the ladies department not sure why I mean I'm smooth , I'm charming I'm smart and I never do anything stupid or foolish. Yet somehow women just look right past me or laugh at me How Rude!

It use to depress me okay yes it still does at times..But I always knew that I had two women in my life I could always count on. Carly and Sam they were always there for me always laughing and always smiling always helping me to fix myself up. I could always make them smile when they were sad I could kiss their boo-boo's and stop their tears. That was my job after all as the Big Brother..I never failed.

Till now till I was forced to watch my baby sister fighting back tears as she held the hand of her best friend / lover begging her to stay with us ..I have never felt so helpless so frustrated so angry so useless.

My throat seemed to be closing up no matter how I fought it off my head was pounding my arms were aching from holding her when she had a crying fit I ah lost count on how many times she had broken down.

I barely noticed when I saw Taylor and Socko come in I barely felt their hugs I was numb at this point I knew what these guys didn't what Carly didn't want to Accept.

It's strange this feeling of being numb everyone has their own interpretation of the definition of numb and how it starts for them.

For me it started when I heard about the shootings I went into a panic I couldn't breathe I couldn't see straight. I don't remember leaving the apartment I don't remember locking it or turning off the TV . All I remember is the intense need to get there to Hold Carly to make sure she was safe to keep her locked in my arms. I don't even remember thinking that Sam was even in danger I mean she's Sam who would be crazy enough to try to hurt her? I mean I worried but I never really thought she was in danger I was frantic over Carly she was so little so weak compared to Sam she wouldn't fight anybody she would just do what she was told and be so scared. If only I had known.

Once the panic went away I felt anger how could anyone think they could solve their problems by killing others? What kind of society lets kids buy guns? What heartless bastard would sell a 17 year old a gun in the first place? Where did these kids learn to shoot? I know Marisa would never let Freddie near a gun, Where were the metal decorators the guards at the entrances? Where were the parents why didn't they notice the signs? Where were the teachers when these students were being bullied? Why didn't the school step in? Why didn't these kids speak up?

Why didn't I stop Sam from bullying Freddie? Why did I laugh wasn't I suppose to be a parent a role model shouldn't I have stood up for Freddie? Was I too blame he snapped? He was fatherless he looked up to me did I fail him? Did I fail Sam and Carly?

Then the anger was replaced by fear as the reality hit me Sam was dying ...She was only 17 and she was dying she never even got to see 17 really …

When Reality hit me it hit hard my fingers went white , I lost sensation in them I felt the blood drain from me I felt my legs go weak ...I lost my hearing everything was drowned out. People were talking to me but it was a giant buzz inside my head words that were just being thrown around. They just weren't making sense . Then came the lost feeling where I found myself wandering around without any clue how I got somewhere or why I was there the mechanical feeling of just doing what I had to when I had to without really knowing it was being done.

I couldn't feel anything inside it was just empty ...like when your on Medication and you just go through the day trying to get rid of that stupid cold.

Then it came crashing down and I felt everything all at once but I couldn't express any of them cause Carly needed me and Carly always came first..Sam needed her so she needed me to be strong for her so she could be strong for Sam.

_I thought she was suppose to get a transplant?_

_She needs one Gibby_

_So when is she getting it she's getting weaker Spence I can see it her vitals keep dropping._

He didn't need to tell me I had been watching her like a hawk I saw her vitals which now hung at 55/51

she was fading fast.

_Just because someone needs a transplant Gibster doesn't mean they can get one_

_Huh?_

Swallowing I regrettably had to tell him the medical knowledge I had picked over the last 24 hours when Dr. Lexi had told us Sam's condition I had gone to their medical library and poured over books.

_Lots of factors go into choosing someone to receive a organ they have to cross match for Maximum compatibility they have to make sure she's a perfect match once the organ is transplanted there's no going back. _

_Tests are done a lot of tests and they take time_

_Sam doesn't have a lot of time Spence _

_I know Kiddo I know_

_When someone is declared in organ failure their placed on the national donor registry list it's a big list with a lot of people who are sick and need transplants. The sicker you are the closer to the top you are._

_Sam's Dying how much sicker can you get?_

_She's being kept alive by machines_

_Barely .._

_Yes but she's alive plus she had to be tested for antibodies_

_Huh? _

_Antibodies are proteins that may be present in the Sam's blood, which could interfere with the success of the transplant. If the donor is not an absolutely perfect match, HLA antibodies can attack the __donated organs and may make her body reject the organ HLA antibodies can also interfere with platelet transfusions by killing the donated platelets before they have a chance to work. _

_I Saw the list of patients who need transplants tonight they have 7 people beeped..._

_Why would they? _

_Cause if someone tests positive for antibodies or develops a fever or a infection their unable to get a transplant,so their bumped from the list._

_That's...it's..._

_Cold inhuman...it's life ...it's death...it's well it sucks Gibby_

_There's a few patients who need more then one organ.._

_But you said organs were few people weren't donating _

_Their not_

_So wait if there's 7 people and one donor and one patient needs a heart and kidney and one patient just needs a heart.._

_How do the doctors decided? _

_Yea Spencer how?_

I shrugged seeing his face pale

_All I know is they have to make a decision do they save the patient who needs one organ save the patient who needs two..._

I saw him trying to process this the way I had when I had read the info and talked to her doctors. I thought it sounded like a award show ..

I remember when iCarly was up for web con...they were so scared so nervous as they stood up there waiting to see who would be named the winner sure you always say it's a honor just to be nominated but lets face it no one wants to be a loser because winning means the media and the public pay attention and in this business you want the attention on you. No one remembers the Losers it's the winners that are talked about long after the show is over. So you sit there in your perfect thousand dollar dress and smile like a winner even as your insides are turning and you feel faint. You wait through the funny monologue and the names...inside you want it to be you so bad but you just never expect it to be..

I wanted Sam to get this transplant but I knew the odds there were people other teens even kids who had been sicker longer then her people who just like her were being kept alive by machines.

_She looks so pale Spencer Carly she's trying so hard do you think it will help?_

_Do you think she can hear?_

I watched Gibby and wondered was this his first time dealing with death? I mean he knew other kids who died now but maybe he was able to avoid seeing them or maybe this was the first person who he really cared about who was dying?

I thought about it they say hearings the last sense to go I swallowed what if she could hear my thoughts? She had to fight she had to pull through...

_I love you Sam fight baby you can do this!_

Carly looked up and smiled her face was lined with tears as her fingers traced Sam's swollen knuckles she was filling with fluid her kidneys were starting to fail. Gibby looked at me I felt a hot flash of embarrassment then I felt cold so very bone chilling cold.

Sam just lay there so still no sassy come back I saw her chest rise and fall I saw the two tubes that came from her groin area which I saw Carly take her fingers and rub ever so gently and discretely when she thought no one would notice. It had to hurt Sam down there having tubes shoved up such a sensitive area. One tube carried her oxygen poor blood into the machine where it was oxygenated by a special membrane the other tube carried her oxygenated blood back into her oxygen starved body the machine was so quite too quite it added to the atmosphere of the room. The life and death battle that was being fought.

I couldn't stand to see Sam like this she was always so active so loud so full of life her face was pale too pale and gaunt like stalk white remember that scream mask how white it is she was whiter hallow looking, like death itself had already come. You'll be okay Puckett I prayed You'll be okay just in case she could read my mind.

_Can she feel Carly touching her? _

_Does she know were here?_

_Sam's beyond feeling anything now Gibby _

The door opened a few kids from their class came in Carly never saw them she had her head laying down by Sam's face her arms wrapped around her body.

I smiled at the kids they had been through hell and had lived they earned a smile..

I knew some of the kids..

Taryn James the chick that could pogo hop and play the trumpet she was pale as she clutched a bouquet of roses which Soko took and placed in water everybody just wanted something to do.

Ruben Gibby's strange friend that no one understood expect him. He went over and high-fived Gibbby.

Rebecca Berkowitz who came over and hugged Gibby she went over and touched Carly's shoulder but she never saw her or felt her Carly's eyes were only on Sam.

Bobby Sibner who has had a crush on Sam for like ever. He even tried kissing her when she had the kissing booth.

Eric Moseby I never liked When Sam dated him but I kept quite now wasn't the time to throw him out the window the way I wanted.

Griffin who I wanted to strangle but he was the only one who Carly got up for and hugged even if it was for longer then I liked.

Tori, Tirana , Cat , Robby And Jade with Beck cam in hugging Carly and Gibby..

Fleck and Dave came by along with Kevin colt.

_I can't believe Freddie was responsible for this man he just never seemed like that type!_

_Fleck say what! _

Aw man Gibby didn't know...

_Someone spill now!_

Dang he was more pissed then I predicted then again he was close friends with Freddie.

_The police are saying Freddie was one of the gunman who shot up the school..Their saying he's the one That Shot Sam..._

Gibby's face paled he was shaking..

_Fre...d..die was in the library?_

_Yea man he was the one who shot Valerie in the heart right in front of me.._

_Rebecca Shut-up!_

_What I was just answering! You don't have to be so mean!_

She started crying what should I do? Comfort her? Calm him down?

Comfort Carly who was crying as she held Sam's hands it was impossible for me to figure out how am I suppose to do everything at once? It was a mystery how mom's did this with more then one kid.

_Freddie shot my Tasha!_

_Freddie killed the love of my life!_

Tasha Ratajkowski age 18 a senior Gibby's Girlfriend shot in the head she died in Gibby's arms …

I was speechless again how could I help him? I couldn't even help my own sister who was crying as she kissed Sam's face her begging becoming frantic as Sam's BP started to fall fast machines started going off as Carly started singing which usually calmed Sam down. Carly has the voice of an angel.

**Goodbye My Friend Lyrics**

_Oh we never know where life will take us  
>I know it's just a ride on the wheel<br>And we never know when death will shake us  
>And we wonder how it will feel<em>

_So goodbye my friend  
>I know I'll never see you again<br>But the time together through all the years  
>Will take away these tears<br>It's okay now  
>Goodbye my friend<em>

_I've seen a lot things that make me crazy  
>And I guess I held on to you<br>We could 've run away and left well maybe  
>But it wasn't time and we both knew<em>

_So goodbye my friend  
>I know I'll never see you again<br>But the love you gave me through all the years  
>Will take away these tears<br>I'm okay now  
>Goodbye my friend<em>

_Life's so fragile and love's so pure  
>We can't hold on but we try<br>We watch how quickly it disappears  
>And we never know why<em>

_But I'm okay now  
>Goodbye my friend<br>You can go now  
>Goodbye my friend <em>

Artist: Linda Ronstadt

Written by Karla Bonoff


	17. Chapter 17 Memories

**iKilled icarly**

**Spencer's p o v**

**Memories **

The Silence hung in the air long after the room had cleared after the Doctors and the Nurse's had cleaned up and left. There was no movement everyone was in shock how could this happen?

Gibby was sitting with Rebecca , Fleck and Dave,Ruben they were in a prayer. Taryn had the Television on which provided distraction but not enough.

My mind felt numb void of any words or even emotions after everything that had gone down over the last few hours I just wasn't prepared for this I mean sure I knew it was a possibility we had been prepped for it and in the back of my mind I knew it could happen but I never really let my mind go there it was just too much. I had to stay strong for Carly my baby sister she is who and what matters most of all now she's going to need me more then ever.

It looked like a war zone had gone on wires were strewn around the room machinery lay in all corners of the room left untouched form their spots where they were thrown after being used my eyes fell on that damn red cart I swallowed as I tried to block out the sounds it made when being charged I blocked out the awful sounds coming from my sisters scared helpless voice as she saw the body of the love of her life being zapped with hundreds of watts …

I was tired so very tired and the eerie silence that had replaced the once over filled room was too much too take in the only sounds were the dim voices of old game show hosts and the soft constant sobs coming from my sister who was laying softly in my lap crying.

How could I find words to comfort her when I had none myself? It was unexpected it was too sudden..

My heart broke as I watched her tiny body rising with the sharp in take of each painful breath which emulated another sob from her already over wrought body. All I could do was rub her back and try to comfort her.

My eyes tried to avoid the empty bed which only moments before had held Sam's precious body. Moments before our lives changed so drastically.

I felt Carly wrap her arms around my shoulders as I held her she buried her face into my shoulder. I ran my hands through her hair as Memories filled my head from when Carly was just a little bundle in our Mom's arms.

I recalled those sweet Memories with such a intense yearning I wish they were still present days.

_Spencer Come look at your new sister! She's Adorable!_

_NO Mom I don't want a sister just return her!_

_Darlin _

Mom laughed as I sulked on my swing set pulling down my baseball hat Mom and Dad came around back of our house. Carrying three day old baby Carly who was wiggling in her arms waving her arms and giggling.

_Darlin you can't just return a baby their special Babies are made from love and are a gift from god_

_I thought the stupid stalk brought them_

_Yes they do hun _

_So what is it God or the stupid bird?_

_The stalk are God's wing men_

_Can I shot em?_

_What No Spencer!_

_But Dad you said it was okay to shot birds you said they were the enemy_

_Steven what are you teaching this kid!_

_Nothing Miranda I swear this kid just picks it up from all that dang Television you let him watch! _

_I do nothing of the sorts Steven he is playing or helping with chores I do not let him watch Tv _

_Maybe that's his problem he is left alone with his imagination too dang much! _

_WAHHHHH!_

_Aw look she's crying aw how cute is she [ insert baby talk here] _

_That's not cute that's ugly she smells mom take her out to the garbage_

_Spencer knock it off_

_Okay [ bam] _

_SPENCER GET TO YOUR ROOM! NOW!_

_You said knock it off mom so I knocked that off your arms_

Dang parents could sure get testy just because I hit Carly and sent her flying to the ground or more towards my dad's arms as she cried like a demon child. I kicked the stones as I muttered going to my room. Stupid parents why did they have to go off and get that thing wasn't I enough? I was cute I was smartish.. I was funny well at least mom always told me I was maybe that was a lie.

_Stop throwing the ball against the wall and get out here and feed your sister!_

_No I asked for a dog and you brought that home you feed the little demon.._

_Spencer Daniel Shay stop with the attitude before I ground you for another two months!_

_Do it I dare ya you already ruined my life I have no friends cause I can't do anything since I have to be here to babysit that thing after school I can't join any clubs I can't .._

_You never joined any clubs anyway Spencer_

_Well maybe I would of but now will never know cause you had to bring the spawn of Xena home_

_Does she ever stop that wailing!_

_She's hungry feed her_

_I'd rather claw my own eyes out thank you_

I snapped my headset on and rocked out to Metallica ...my stomach started growling 3 hours later as I got up unable to believe they were making me make my own dinner all because of that thing.

She was still crying when I came around the corner I saw mom and Dad passed out in bed..she was really irking me she just wouldn't stop. Groaning I went inside her room and saw she was beat red as she waved her tiny fists she really was tiny I thought as I went over and hit her stomach she cried harder ...what could I use to shut her up? I found a stuffed rat perfect that was what she represented to my life a little rodent I couldn't get rid of that was chewing through my life . I wiggled it in her face she scrunched her nose up but she stopped wiggling and wailing I grinned as I shoved it in her face and she let out a huge wail...oh chiz I thought as Mom started yelling...

_Sit down right now you are going to hold your sister and you will like it_

_Yea and I love the dentist to sure mom_

_I also believe in Santa and the tooth fairy _

_Enough of the smart remarks Carly is your sister and someday you will understand just how lucky you are to have her._

_I promise that you will love her and as her older brother it's your job to protect her and show her the way …_

Without warning Mom deposited this wiggly smelly warm creature in my arms she stopped screaming as she laid in my arms..it was strange holding such a tiny human in my arms it was creepy how her eyes seemed to be searching mine to see what I was all about she was so small and yet she held such a presence I no longer felt hungry or tired I was just amazed . She snuggled up closer to me like she had already figured out something far beyond her years what I was still learning. She just trusted me no doubts no worries she curled her little fist up and shoved it in between her tiny lips making this cute little sucking sound. I ran my fingers through her tiny curls as I was stared at her she had these amazing clear eyes that made me think of sweet nestle milk chocolate. She giggled as I made a face and that's when I realized having a sister wasn't all bad I could make her laugh I could boss her around and make her do things I didn't want to.

That worked for two years till she looked at me one day and learned that dirty word which I still forbid her to use now..it was a normal day she was running in the back yard with her pet bunny floppy ears yea original name she was 2 okay.. I had ordered her to go get me a coke then a chair which she struggled to carry over then a cup of ice and a tray of snacks for my friends and I ...then I told her to go get me the remote and she looked at me with this gleam in her eyes and yelled ..

NO MORE !

Then she kicked me yea she was 2 it was like a tap but I was still in shock. My friends laughed as I fell into the kiddie pool.

She pointed and shrugged as if to say fool then she ran off.

Looking down at her as she lay curled up heart broken I ran my hand over her back trying to bring her some comfort. It was useless it wasn't like when we were kids and I could tell her funny stories.

I was 15 she was 4 , I was playing football with my friends well okay they were playing football I was playing dodge the bigger stronger kids who wanted to kick Spencer's butt ball. Carly had wandered out wanting to play rock star she was dressed like that Cyndi Lauper chick puff out Multi-colored skirt short halter top and Momma's makeup hair in pig tails she looked adorable. This one kid Marc who was one of my best friends at the time pushed her out of the way when she asked him to be her guitarist she fell back hard and landed on her face. I flipped and charged him yelling at him that if he ever hurt my sister I would kill him..well needless to say he body slammed me into the tire and flipped me into the mud. I lay there humiliated in front of my crush but what did my little sister do? She laughed so hard she wet herself. Which made it all okay somehow.

She loves to tell that story to this day...I wish I could make her laugh now instead of crying till she's raw. I wish these memories would come to life it would beat the reality we were living in now.

A empty room which was once a center of electronic life which was now silence. A cold sweat had formed all over my body a hot rush of heat followed by the wave of coldness .

I recalled the memories of Sam with such force it took my breath away.

Sam was always over at our place she had her own drawers in Carly's room, she had her own key which she never used she prefers to break down our door.

Sam was always stubborn and independent I remembered when they were 10 and Carly was freaking over this project that was due but Sam she didn't worry or waste a second trying to do it. I wondered what she was planning to do come the day of the deadline I tried to get her to work on it and she blew me off choosing to watch football. Carly was always lecturing her which she was always ignoring.

When the day came she beat some littler kid up and stole his project then handed it in and skipped the day she came back here and we watched wrestling I should have been mad and I should of yelled and dragged her back but she was so cute and so sassy that I was just like screw it she'll be fine.

Then there was this time when Sam was on probation and she was suppose to do so many hours of community service so she stole money from her mom's purse and paid some kid to do I for her she spent the afternoons down at ham heaven taking bets on who could eat more which she was always winning. Carly figured out what she was doing and dragged me down there.

She made Sam go to the courthouse and confess she got a even longer sentence. Which Carly then went with her and helped her in her C.S I still have pictures of them in their yellow and black shirts they look like giant bubble bee's .

Stop it Spencer you have to stop with these memories they won't change what's happened or make time move faster. Deep breath you have to be strong. I rocked Carly gently she lifted her tear stained face which was a complete mess black eye liner and smeared lipstick eye shadow which had run all over snot was pouring down I grabbed a tissue and wiped her face as she cried harder.

I pulled her closer as she held me unable to talk I knew how she felt that feeling of just wanting to block out the world and make it all go away.

I looked up to hear Tori start to sing..

Even After Good-Bye

_Time was here now it's gone, And I want you to know _

_You'll be right in my heart, after I go_

_Don't embrace me too long, my tears wanna fly_

_Cuz You and I still be long, even after goodbye_

_Scared to try something new, but soon I would see_

_The dreams inside your eyes that made me believe_

_That these days would go on forever, that's why_

_You and I still belong, even after goodbye_

_Remember watching old movies on Sunday afternoons_

_Back then it was safe to dream, and even fall in love_

_But now my heart breaks, Cuz I realize what you mean to me_

_And I feel so far, I feel so far away_

A tear or two started to slide down as I thought about my poor Sam , Carly's eyes told the whole story as much as we loved Sam no one loved her as much as she did. I held her and closed my eyes screw it let the memories take me away Tori's song washed over me as the memories poured in.

I'm not sure who said it but I remember reading somewhere that long after time passed and the pictures fade the memories are what will last forever. I didn't want pictures I didn't want memories all I wanted was Sam for Carly to be happy for Cam to be together again. I just wanted what was stolen from us. Time , Innocence , Trust, Belief ,Security .

_On the other side of this world, I'm thinking of you_

_Praying that you're well, and wondering how you're doing_

_As these days grow long, I feel inside_

_That what you gave me lives on, and now I can fly_

_To anywhere you are, even higher than the sky_

_Cuz you and I still belong, even after goodbye . _

_Words of Even After Good-Bye By Eric Farley .. _


	18. Chapter 18 iCarly

**ikilled iCarly**

**iCarly**

**Carly's p o v**

Hours had passed I'm not sure how long I was sitting here just staring out I don't remember climbing out of Spencer's arms. I don't remember showering or changing but I must of I don't remember a lot of things expect pain..so much pain that seemed to be all consuming. Pain that threatened to tear me apart it was making my chest hurt from all the tears I had shed all the tears that I felt boiling up inside. My head was hurting no matter how many pills I took nothing seemed to dull it. My eyes burned my legs ached my arms were on fire ... but nothing hurt worse then my heart.

My mind is still racing with all the facts and thoughts rubbing my eyes I laid back and tried to close my eyes my thoughts kept turning back to all the times I laid my head down next to Sam's on this very bed. I reached over and placed my nose against her pillow which is really mine it still smelled like her. There was pieces of her hair laying there I picked it up and twirled it in my fingers. How did this all happen? When we woke up yesterday everything was fine we were happy we were planning our next iCarly we were laughing like crazy we were sharing secrets we were sneaking kisses we were living life to the fullest now I was laying alone.

I couldn't sleep so I got up and put on some music it didn't help sighing I grabbed the letters and read his last few paragraphs as I let the music wash over me.

_Sam your wrong about so many things I don't even know where to start you always told me I wasn't apart of iCarly that I didn't matter but I DID Matter without me iCarly would of never have gotten off the ground. I was the one who did the computer work I was the one who programed everything I came up with all the cool scenery and the backdrops it was Carly and I that did all the work while your lazy butt laid around eating all day. You made me feel like I didn't matter but I did you always acted like iCarly was just you and Carly but it's a lie just because someone is behind the camera doesn't mean their useless it takes more then just looks to make a successful show. It takes brains and hard work something you lack on so many levels ..I loved Carly and you laughed about that you said I was stupid and that she would never love me well your wrong cause she will love me she will learn when it's only the two of us and no annoying bimbo whispering lies in her ears._

_To all the iCarly viewers you want to know why I did what I did right? How could Freddie snap like this? Why did he take out so many innocent people? _

_Simple cause there is no such thing as innocent every one of you had a part in this all of you that sat in your seats laughing while Sam tore me down made another insulting joke or punched me every time she made a joke or played a prank on me you laughed you made me feel like shit you gave her the power to do this to me! Your all guilty like her and it is just too much to handle so I'm taking action something no one ever did for me._

_To the parents this is for you cause you raised your kids to believe that they were so much better then me just because my name wasn't in the credits because I didn't have the best clothes because I came from a broken home, because I didn't conform to the standards you thought were appropriate because I didn't go out for sports because I chose to use my head and study you taught your spoiled little brats that it was okay to laugh..deny all you want YOU Did it by never reprimanding them by making __excuses for them by putting them in front of a TV and making the media be your child's babysitter you helped them to become the monsters that made my life a living hell. You have no idea the torture I suffered everyday because of your failure as a parent. You taught your kids that if someone is different that they can't have value well it's a lie. It's too bad nothing that I do will change your minds I know that your opinion of me will never change that you will blame the media that you will never take it upon yourself to look deeper and to see if something else was behind this. So why am I doing it? Why not? If I'm going to die why not take the women I love with me why not make you suffer the way I did? _

_Sam I hope when you are reading this you are standing over our graves and remembering all the times you hit me punched me spit in my face and laughed at me. I hope you now understand what it means to be alone to cry yourself to sleep to think your life is worthless. To feel like everything you do is pointless cause you'll never find true happiness. _

_It's how you made me feel every day and every night you took my dreams and you destroyed them you took my happiness and you crushed it..So I'm paying you back Carly is your everything I know this so I'm taking her with me I hope when you picture heaven you see me and Carly up there kissing and touching and smiling cause we will be and I know you won't ever get there cause only the Good go to heaven . Only the good die young well you ain't good so I know the devil's waiting with his pitch fork calling your name waiting for his best student have fun down there cause in the end I know justice will rise I will get my happy ending with your girl thinking of this gives me strength to do what I must and it brings a smile to my face to know that you will suffer long and deep. _

_I must get rest cause I have a big day ahead tomorrow just remember Sam that in the end I was right..iCarly can't run without all 3 of us good luck having it now …in a way I guess you can say it's a wrap were clear however you want to say it.._

_iKilled iCarly_

_Hate you for always _

_Hate Freddie Benson_


	19. Chapter 19 Eyes

**ikilled iCarly**

**Eyes**

**Carly p o v**

Closing my eyes I settled in for the night it would be long and cold I pulled our blanket tighter.

I was shocked sleep had come to me when I opened my eyes the next thing I saw was the brilliant rays of sunlight which had lifted the dark grip of the lonely night.

I had the strangest dream when I went to sleep last night I woke up to see Sam dressed in all white rolling around in ham..

Stretchering I looked up and smiled for the first time in hours ..Going over I took a deep breath and sat down...

_Hey Cupcake_

The sweetest sound filled my ears as I smiled down she looked gorgeous ...even after 7 hours in Surgery her nails were pink and round there was no signs of any puffiness her face was rosy and fill.

She didn't need any masks or breathing machines just a small chest tube from surgery and a oxygen tube in her nose which would be removed as soon as the doctor examined her. She looked amazing and she was finally able to laugh and receive my full kisses which I gladly gave her as I ran my fingers over her face and stared deep into her amazing eyes which melted my soul. When I stare in her eyes I swear it's like I fly to another world I forget all my problems my fears disappear and I feel like I could climb Mt. Everest.

They say the eyes are the key to a person's soul well for me it's the key to life cause everything I need happiness , love , reassurance is right here in Sam's amazing Blue orbits. I kissed Sam long and hard. Her head turned to me slightly I could see she was in so much pain so I placed my hand over her chest and kissed her lightly she got the hint and seemed to relax.

Spencer came in and almost passed out ..

_Your Awake! Call the Fast Food Restaurants Sam Puckett is baaa..ck!_

We both chuckled as I ran my hand through her hair. She looked at me as if I could explain to her I looked at Spencer should I shouldn't I? I didn't want to over load her with too much.

Spencer gave me a answer by running out screaming..

NURSE!

Flaring his arms and legs crashing over things making a old lady beat him with her cane and a baby cry.

I watched as Sam's eyes fluttered closed sleep over took her once more she was still so tired and sore.

I watched as she slept her breathing easier softer I felt so lucky in those moments as I touched her kissed her hugged her loved her I got my best friend back my soul mate my heart...Freddie was wrong he didn't kill iCarly he just killed his own dreams his own chances and my heart broke at that thought cause no matter how far he took this a part of my heart will always belong to him. That part broke thinking of all the pain his caused. The lives lost the dreams shattered the families ripped apart.

Sam was doing so well it had been three days from her surgery and she was sitting up devouring all the food in the hospital and beyond. We had her up for Pt every day which she hated and complained about every day but she was up and moving and that's all I cared about.

Laying her in her arms I felt her heart beat beating strong and loud as she lay sleeping I kissed her check so soft that I wouldn't wake her thanking god for her new heart. I couldn't help but feel for the family of the donor our gain was their loss. I wondered who was this person? What happened to them?

The doctors told me we would probably never find out but I was burning with so many questions. So many ways to thank them for their incredible gift .

For now though I would settle for just holding her and being grateful. I let my eyes wander over one more time almost as if I was making sure this was real.

When I was sure I settled myself back down and closed my eyes...letting myself get carried away to the land of dreams.

**Victoria's p o v**

Cat and I were trying to organize the prayer vigil for all the Kids and families effected by the Ridgeway shootings while trying to keep Jade from causing more fatalities. My mind kept going back to Sam and how lucky we were that she was alive. I was in charge of talking to people which had been Jade's job somehow by some crazy mix up but after she made one girl cry and made one kid faint we pulled her off and made her go to confession which after 5 minutes the priest ran out claiming he was switching to being a monk.

_Hello I'm Tori What's your name?_

A elderly man came up tears lined his eyes as he shock my hand.

_I'm Nathan Hugh Williams_

_My granddaughter was killed in the shootings where do I go to talk to someone?_

_Right this way sir I will show you _

_I'm so sorry for your loss_

_Makes no sense miss she was a good kid she always thought of others she was smart she was pretty and nice why my Baby girl?_

My heart Broke for this fellow for all the parents who had lost kids. It made me angry but my heart broke most of all for Carly and Gibby it was their friend that had caused all this their other friend lay in critical condition recovering from heart surgery.

_I try to make some good come from this ya know but it's so hard.._

_How Did you do good sir? _

_I have a cat and he tries to make good to when he kills a rodent he offers it to us .._

_Thank you Cat_ _why don't you go help Tirana she's getting confused again_

_Ok-ay_

She skipped off leaving Mr. Williams and I baffled we went inside to the church.

_This is Pastor Ricks he will help you sir Would you like me to sit with you until he can come?_

_Yes that would be lovely dear_

_What's your name? _

_Tori Vega _

_How did you come to be involved? _

_I'm friends with Carly and Sam ad Gibby they go to school here_

_Ah yes I know them My grand-kids are friends with them they do that iCarly thing _

_Yes yes they do_

_Do you go to school here?_

_No I live out in La _

_And you came all this way to help?_

_Yes my teacher wants us to do a project for acting class on it so I organized this as a way to help us all._

_That's very thoughtful of you .._

_Just trying to help out so can I ask you something?_

_Shoot..Wait bad choice of words yes go on miss_

_You said you were trying to do good?_

_Yes My Granddaughter always believed in helping others so I am honoring her memory in death_

_How did you do that sir? _

_By following her wishes and donating her organs I was lucky she suffered a bullet to her brain and she died quickly so her organs were spared. _

_You donated her organs wow that's so …_

_Wow ..I'm speechless you were able to help others.._

_Yes I know her heart went to a girl right here in Seattle and her kidneys went to Dallas her lungs went to San Diego.._

_Sir were ready for you.._

We got up and shock hands I wished him luck..

_Sir _

I turned at the last minute

_What did you say your grand daughters name was?_

_I didn't but it's ..Wendy my grand baby's name is Wendy Austin Williams..._

Wendy Austin Williams age 16 died from a bullet to her brain she was in the library when she heard the gun shots and grabbed Freddie as he was about to shot Carly she saved her life and paid for it with hers.

I thought about the irony of this I knew Wendy She was my closet friend before she moved from La to here after her parents death Four years ago. I knew she was secretly in love with Carly. Pain shot through my chest as I thought about the fact I would never see my friend again ...yet I was relieved to she couldn't get what she wanted most in this life but in death she got her wish she was free to love Carly cause now her heart beat in Sam's chest and Sam was alive to Love Carly and get her love back.

So for Wendy death was liberating it's too bad she had to die to get her wishes fulfilled.


End file.
